Well, my opinion, as someone who has no clue about any of this (smile, blissfully ignorant!) is that it appears that you are experiencing some real growth.... and that, my friend, is even better than 'control':
it is really learning about yourself, what makes you tick, what you do unconsciously, discovering more about how to make conscious choices, instead of falling into old patterns. Realizing that there are other ways to feel content and validated in this world, than to confirm old icky beliefs about yourself that were never true,... and are not true now.
(they are called self-fulfilling prophecies.... I think?)

it's a REALLY big lesson, and very empowering.
congratulations!
I enjoyed seeing this post, and learning of your progress.
it's really good stuff!