Evolving bonds

Last Friday, after a late Mexi-Thai lunch with sinboy and hopeforyou, I wrapped up work and headed over to help B reload her van for her drive back to Oregon. Then we went out together to a movie ("Iris")... it was friendly and nice. But we talked about how our relationship had changed over time... B and I have been together now for 3-1/2 years, local until a year ago. I've learned much about people and relationships (not to mention the art of touch, and certain spots) from her, while she has faithfully stayed with me during successive storms at home and work.

But B said "I just don't do long distance relationships well." She needs emotional transparency and feedback, several times per week, and it isn't happening. She's a numbers person and hates to type... and I'm not fond of lots of phone calls. And no major airline has a hub in Eugene... so over the past year, we tend to call each other and talk about once a week, and see each other every 6 weeks when she visits N. California on business. Which in turn has meant that the intensity has faded into comfortableness and simple affection. Arguably we were due for that after 3+ years, anyway...

So, Friday night B said that she thought we should simply be friends now, without significant-other privileges. I asked, "should I keep trying?" B said "no, let's let it go." In some ways, this is a change... in another sense, it simply reflects where our relationship has evolved. And we are still close friends, and will still hang out together when B's in town. But I'll miss the affection, and it will be hard to put up behavioral barriers and "appropriateness" filters where there used to be none.