Group integration and individual action at social events

After another weird social experience last Tuesday, I've been contemplating why I seem to enjoy certain social settings much more than others. While mental clarity, energy, context, fun activities all contribute something, I believe that the first-order divider between easy/difficult events is whether I'm integrated into a collective or group identity as well as being free to roam individually.

( A longer, rambling discussion follows, involving sweeties, friends, toddler behavior and pool parties )