Assaulted at dinnertime in SD...

Last night, we went with nolly to Pokez, a Mexican restaurant in downtown San Diego. We had to wait about 15 min. to order, and the waitress seemed stressed. It was David's turn to order... he was slow to make up his mind while ordering, and grumpy. Not yelling or anything himself, just cranky and repetitive (about not wanting ranchero sauce on his omelet, said 4-5 times). The waitress took this somewhat uncouth behavior as directed at her, and she suddenly snapped. She grabbed his shoulder, shook him, and leaned over and started mocking him, yelling his words back directly in his ear. He asked her to stop, and she grabbed his shoulder and then started screaming in his ear. Screaming that she had had enough and didn't have to work with this. And then she let go, stood up, told the table that she would not serve anyone at the table, and stalked away. He hadn't touched her beforehand... he wasn't even making eye contact, he had been looking at the menu.

We all looked at each other, in shock. After a pause, I got up and went to the manager, behind the register. I politely explained that I had an autistic son, that sometimes he needed a bit of extra time or patence, and did not read body language well. And that his waitress had abused him and refused to serve our table, and that that was unacceptable. I wanted an apology and a different server. But the manager backed up the waitress. He said that she was right, and that if my son was "going to be too much trouble" then we should not let him order for himself in restaurants. That it was our fault for having a child that needed patience or hesitated while ordering, and so we should have ordered for him. And that our party should leave.

James (his teenaged brother) was sullen and blamed David.... we were silent, mostly not believing that this was happening. Eventually went to another place for dinner.

[updates have been posted subsequently... basically, as of Friday evening, I have talked to the local Autism Society, and their attorney several times, have tried twice to file a police report (only could get an "incident report" from the SDPD), and have sent a letter to the local paper (Union-Tribune)]

An update...

I'm having to jump between work (reviewing space science instrument proposals for NASA) and taking calls here, and so don't have enough of a break to reply personally to everyone -- but thanks greatly for your suggestions and support. David is with patgreene and his brothers (James, Kevin) at the San Diego Zoo today.

I've written a letter to the editor to the main San Diego newspaper, called the local chapter of the Autism Society of America, talked to a series of people there, and had a telephone consultation with a triage attorney who herself has an autistic 10-year-old. I've been advised to not go directly to TV stations, etc., until we've decided whether there are enough grounds for charges or and ADA claim.

So.. back to arguing meanwhile over the merits of, e.g., X-ray vs. neutron spectrometers for finding Martian volatiles... If anyone knows anything about the restaurant in question (ownership, general manager, etc.) that would be useful to have, as all I have is their street address and main number [(619) 702-7160 as per Les's suggestion, www.pokezsd.com].

Another update....

I've talked a half-dozen times today to an attorney from the local Autism Society chapter... tried to file a police report at the downtown office around 3pm, after my NASA work was over. I was told there that I'd need to gather together everyone who was there last night, then they'd send over an officer to get a report. So... I reached nolly, and brought Pat and kids back over to the hotel after the zoo closed.

But... the officer who showed up said that since there was no lasting injury, it didn't reach a criminal level of behavior on the waitress's part, and hence he only recorded an "incident report" rather than one for suspected battery. The officer said that the waitress would have had to leave lasting injury *or* have knocked David out of his chair, before it would legally be battery.

And the officer said that since the manager hadn't told us specifically "no autistics" verbatim, and instead had merely said that they wouldn't serve people who needed extra patience or attention, then that wasn't in his opinion grounds for an ADA complaint. And that restaurants could ask people to leave for any reason that they wanted.

So... I don't know where to go, now. I guess I'll update the ASA attorney, and ask her if there's still anything we can do with respect to a remedy. And head home tomorrow... I will be *so* glad to get back, after two weeks on the road.