Um, this seems disproportional to the original post, in terms of its vehemence... and the tone feels condescending to me, whatever your intentions may have been.
The point about expectations vs. fears is a good one -- you're right, I tend to label my fears as expectations in discourse. Changing the original entry's writing to I suppose I should have feared as much, given some interactions last week. is better -- it correctly places the locus at my response (fears) rather than imputing other people's actions (expectations). In some sense, I suppose that I defensively tend to assume the worst (from my frame of reference) of other people's intentions, then correct my model upward when their actions don't match. Rather than the converse -- which princeofwands and I discussed on LJ back in August.
For a week or two, try just THINKING the self-deprecating thoughts. DON'T actually write them in your journal.
As far as my allegedly pathetic attempts at attention-getting go... look at my journal over the *previous* two weeks. How much self-deprecation do you see? Arguably 12/27 refers to it, but as something that happened earlier in the week, offline. Before that... I don't see anything particularly self-negative until the post-Dickens cringe entry on 12/1. It isn't a daily (or weekly) occurrence! I have been working hard on doing what you currently suggest since the summer, thought I'd made progress, and apparently you (at least) haven't noticed.
our responding "no you're not!" (or whatever the appropriate reaction is) is simply feeding this negative cycle for you.
I was not trying to get others to baby me. Only to answer their email, as I was under time pressure. If I'd left out the speculation as to causes, I'd have been fine. And it worked, in the sense of getting a response from four of the five individuals.
at least try ASKING folks if that's what's up
Okay... but how does one ASK directly, when the other folks aren't responding? A breakdown in communications was the issue here. How do I ask others if something else was the cause of the communications break, if there's a communications break? Definitionally.
you say so, in the most pathetic way possible
Oh, come on. Show me that in the post here, or even others recently. Not in some other post from last spring/summer. It feels to me like you are venting, like you have a lot of pent-up anger and frustration towards me -- perhaps from other interactions offline? -- which is overflowing here... otherwise, I can't make sense of your reactions.
And yes, I AM in a pissy mood--why do you ask? ;^)
Duly noted... generally speaking, I highly value your advice and even coaching. And appreciate the time and effort spent. However, this time for me the useful stuff gets masked by the perceived venting...
Re: WARNING: more unasked-for coaching
The point about expectations vs. fears is a good one -- you're right, I tend to label my fears as expectations in discourse. Changing the original entry's writing to I suppose I should have feared as much, given some interactions last week. is better -- it correctly places the locus at my response (fears) rather than imputing other people's actions (expectations). In some sense, I suppose that I defensively tend to assume the worst (from my frame of reference) of other people's intentions, then correct my model upward when their actions don't match. Rather than the converse -- which
For a week or two, try just THINKING the self-deprecating thoughts. DON'T actually write them in your journal.
As far as my allegedly pathetic attempts at attention-getting go... look at my journal over the *previous* two weeks. How much self-deprecation do you see? Arguably 12/27 refers to it, but as something that happened earlier in the week, offline. Before that... I don't see anything particularly self-negative until the post-Dickens cringe entry on 12/1. It isn't a daily (or weekly) occurrence! I have been working hard on doing what you currently suggest since the summer, thought I'd made progress, and apparently you (at least) haven't noticed.
our responding "no you're not!" (or whatever the appropriate reaction is) is simply feeding this negative cycle for you.
I was not trying to get others to baby me. Only to answer their email, as I was under time pressure. If I'd left out the speculation as to causes, I'd have been fine. And it worked, in the sense of getting a response from four of the five individuals.
at least try ASKING folks if that's what's up
Okay... but how does one ASK directly, when the other folks aren't responding? A breakdown in communications was the issue here. How do I ask others if something else was the cause of the communications break, if there's a communications break? Definitionally.
you say so, in the most pathetic way possible
Oh, come on. Show me that in the post here, or even others recently. Not in some other post from last spring/summer. It feels to me like you are venting, like you have a lot of pent-up anger and frustration towards me -- perhaps from other interactions offline? -- which is overflowing here... otherwise, I can't make sense of your reactions.
And yes, I AM in a pissy mood--why do you ask? ;^)
Duly noted... generally speaking, I highly value your advice and even coaching. And appreciate the time and effort spent. However, this time for me the useful stuff gets masked by the perceived venting...