However, this time for me the useful stuff gets masked by the perceived venting...
*blushes* I do regret that, Brian. I probably should have been better about not responding when feeling... well, pretty much anything! As you well know, I get into the most trouble that way. ;^)
And yes, much of the heat behind my response has absolutely nothing to do with the post here. It has to do with the fact that I perceive this to be the same or similar behavior to what ended up hurting ME a great deal in our other electronic interactions in the past couple of weeks.
Here's how it looks from my perspective. You see something you think is a pattern, and you apparently form all sorts of hypotheses and judgments about it. You then act on those hypotheses as if they are the truth, without (in my perception), adequately cross-checking. The ability to form quick hypotheses with a minimal amount of data is an excellent one in your work life, or in any realm where data is predominant. However, in my experience, it's less useful and potentially damaging in the social realm, where interactions with people predominate. Taking extra time to check things out is almost always a good idea. (Taking extra time before posting something emotional is DEFINITELY a good idea! ;^)
I was not trying to get others to baby me.
I never claimed you were. I said I thought that this was potentially feeding a negative cycle for you. And in fact I didn't say that I was SURE of this--just that I was "beginning to think" that it was. For 100% accuracy, I should have said that I was beginning to think it MIGHT be the case.
If I'd left out the speculation as to causes, I'd have been fine.
Exactly my point. Why did you need to speculate about the cause? THAT is where I see the potentially self-fulfilling prophecy cropping up. That is the part I'm suggesting you leave out of your posts, etc.
I said: at least try ASKING folks if that's what's up
You said: ...How do I ask others if something else was the cause of the communications break, if there's a communications break? Definitionally.
Ask OTHERS. Cross-check. Try OTHER methods of communication, if one fails. As far as we can see here, you tried e-mail, and no other method. (I don't know, BTW, if that's true, but that's all I had to base things on.) Don't assume that the reason for the communications breakdown is because someone is mad at you, or doesn't want to be with you. You might have (in no particular order, and certainly not an exhaustive list) IMed me for info, called me on my cell phone, called princeofwands or karenbynight, tried their house phone, asked kineticphoenix if she knew anything.... We are an incredibly interconnected group (some might say unhealthily so!), and I find it hard to believe that SOMEONE would have the information you sought--as in fact someone did.
Believe me, I get how frustrating such a communications breakdown can be, when you're under time pressure and traveling. We spent an extra hour or more at the airport in September because of a similar communications snafu. It wasn't your distress at the breakdown I was reacting to, but only your attributing that breakdown to ill-will on someone else's part.
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Mea Culpa, and apologies for the tone (part 1)
Date: 2004-01-04 08:26 pm (UTC)*blushes* I do regret that, Brian. I probably should have been better about not responding when feeling... well, pretty much anything! As you well know, I get into the most trouble that way. ;^)
And yes, much of the heat behind my response has absolutely nothing to do with the post here. It has to do with the fact that I perceive this to be the same or similar behavior to what ended up hurting ME a great deal in our other electronic interactions in the past couple of weeks.
Here's how it looks from my perspective. You see something you think is a pattern, and you apparently form all sorts of hypotheses and judgments about it. You then act on those hypotheses as if they are the truth, without (in my perception), adequately cross-checking. The ability to form quick hypotheses with a minimal amount of data is an excellent one in your work life, or in any realm where data is predominant. However, in my experience, it's less useful and potentially damaging in the social realm, where interactions with people predominate. Taking extra time to check things out is almost always a good idea. (Taking extra time before posting something emotional is DEFINITELY a good idea! ;^)
I was not trying to get others to baby me.
I never claimed you were. I said I thought that this was potentially feeding a negative cycle for you. And in fact I didn't say that I was SURE of this--just that I was "beginning to think" that it was. For 100% accuracy, I should have said that I was beginning to think it MIGHT be the case.
If I'd left out the speculation as to causes, I'd have been fine.
Exactly my point. Why did you need to speculate about the cause? THAT is where I see the potentially self-fulfilling prophecy cropping up. That is the part I'm suggesting you leave out of your posts, etc.
I said: at least try ASKING folks if that's what's up
You said: ...How do I ask others if something else was the cause of the communications break, if there's a communications break? Definitionally.
Ask OTHERS. Cross-check. Try OTHER methods of communication, if one fails. As far as we can see here, you tried e-mail, and no other method. (I don't know, BTW, if that's true, but that's all I had to base things on.) Don't assume that the reason for the communications breakdown is because someone is mad at you, or doesn't want to be with you. You might have (in no particular order, and certainly not an exhaustive list) IMed me for info, called me on my cell phone, called
Believe me, I get how frustrating such a communications breakdown can be, when you're under time pressure and traveling. We spent an extra hour or more at the airport in September because of a similar communications snafu. It wasn't your distress at the breakdown I was reacting to, but only your attributing that breakdown to ill-will on someone else's part.