Heading home...

[jay]

Busily packing now, leaving for the airport in an hour, landing around 8pm at SFO. I've been wondering if my email is broken... large numbers of email queries are going without replies. We will just get a taxi or something from the airport home...

Perhaps indicative is that nearly all of the unanswered email this week (not just about rides, but in general) was addressed to various members of a given local social circle, in varying contexts... sigh. I suppose I should have expected as much, given some interactions last week.

Comments

Mea Culpa, and apologies for the tone (part 1)

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

However, this time for me the useful stuff gets masked by the perceived venting...

*blushes* I do regret that, Brian. I probably should have been better about not responding when feeling... well, pretty much anything! As you well know, I get into the most trouble that way. ;^)

And yes, much of the heat behind my response has absolutely nothing to do with the post here. It has to do with the fact that I perceive this to be the same or similar behavior to what ended up hurting ME a great deal in our other electronic interactions in the past couple of weeks.

Here's how it looks from my perspective. You see something you think is a pattern, and you apparently form all sorts of hypotheses and judgments about it. You then act on those hypotheses as if they are the truth, without (in my perception), adequately cross-checking. The ability to form quick hypotheses with a minimal amount of data is an excellent one in your work life, or in any realm where data is predominant. However, in my experience, it's less useful and potentially damaging in the social realm, where interactions with people predominate. Taking extra time to check things out is almost always a good idea. (Taking extra time before posting something emotional is DEFINITELY a good idea! ;^)


I was not trying to get others to baby me.

I never claimed you were. I said I thought that this was potentially feeding a negative cycle for you. And in fact I didn't say that I was SURE of this--just that I was "beginning to think" that it was. For 100% accuracy, I should have said that I was beginning to think it MIGHT be the case.


If I'd left out the speculation as to causes, I'd have been fine.

Exactly my point. Why did you need to speculate about the cause? THAT is where I see the potentially self-fulfilling prophecy cropping up. That is the part I'm suggesting you leave out of your posts, etc.


I said: at least try ASKING folks if that's what's up

You said: ...How do I ask others if something else was the cause of the communications break, if there's a communications break? Definitionally.

Ask OTHERS. Cross-check. Try OTHER methods of communication, if one fails. As far as we can see here, you tried e-mail, and no other method. (I don't know, BTW, if that's true, but that's all I had to base things on.) Don't assume that the reason for the communications breakdown is because someone is mad at you, or doesn't want to be with you. You might have (in no particular order, and certainly not an exhaustive list) IMed me for info, called me on my cell phone, called princeofwands or karenbynight, tried their house phone, asked kineticphoenix if she knew anything.... We are an incredibly interconnected group (some might say unhealthily so!), and I find it hard to believe that SOMEONE would have the information you sought--as in fact someone did.

Believe me, I get how frustrating such a communications breakdown can be, when you're under time pressure and traveling. We spent an extra hour or more at the airport in September because of a similar communications snafu. It wasn't your distress at the breakdown I was reacting to, but only your attributing that breakdown to ill-will on someone else's part.

Re: Mea Culpa, and apologies for the tone (part 1)

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I get into the most trouble that way. ;^)

(smile) I think I know you well enough to recognize venting vs. advice... besides, I get myself into trouble that way arguably more often still, as you've alluded, so I'm hardly going to throw stones. Living in a Glass house, especially...

Thanks for clearing up the source of your ire, I had been mystified by the response proportional to the original post. I would be happy to meet offline and discuss the previous weeks, and you could then be as snarky as you felt like ;^).

Here's how it looks from my perspective...

That's pretty close, not surprising given your insightfulness. My proceeding without cross-checking... I have always operated on the basis that I could run with unproven facts or assertions as long as they didn't obligate anyone else to anything. But what you seem to be saying is that I'm sort of negatively-obligating others, when they hadn't asked for it.

Try OTHER methods of communication, if one fails.

Good point... ultimately, hopeforyou saw the above post and called me. I had actually tried IMs to a couple of people... and I have no phone numbers for any of the Observatory folks, none for anyone other than your cell and the main House Dreamland number. I have no idea how to contact Laura, similarly. That local group may be incredibly interconnected internally, but I'm barely connnected to it... (I won't use "we" here, myself ;) So in some sense, this LJ post was another method of communication, one where I could hope that someone in that group might see it and then contact me in a comment or by other means.

Re: Mea Culpa, and apologies for the tone (part 1)

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

My proceeding without cross-checking... I have always operated on the basis that I could run with unproven facts or assertions as long as they didn't obligate anyone else to anything. But what you seem to be saying is that I'm sort of negatively-obligating others, when they hadn't asked for it.


Yes, I think this is the problem. In running with unproven assertions in this case, you CREATE the very environment you are AFRAID of seeing. Seeing it, you then claim this as "evidence" and conclude your original hypothesis was correct. Not necessarily so.


Try OTHER methods of communication, if one fails.

Good point... ultimately, hopeforyou saw the above post and called me. I had actually tried IMs to a couple of people... and I have no phone numbers for any of the Observatory folks, none for anyone other than your cell and the main House Dreamland number. I have no idea how to contact Laura, similarly. That local group may be incredibly interconnected internally, but I'm barely connnected to it

I dunno. Maybe it's my sheer bloodymindedness, but it feels to me like you barely got started with all the various possibilities for contacting these folks. Certainly LJ was a good last-ditch effort. IMing is good. But w/regard to not being connected yourself, well, I suppose you can cling to that. But in fact you ARE connected to ME, and you know very well that I am connected to the larger circle. You make plenty of other assumptions--why not assume that someone can get you in contact with those you need to be in contact with? You may not be in contact with kineticphoenix yourself, but it's a pretty good bet that I am, just as a for-instance. Additionally, there were more conventional methods for reaching folks, that didn't seem to get tried. If you knew last names, you could try looking up phone numbers in Google, or even *gasp* calling 411. And any way you slice it you could have put a less off-putting message in your LJ, simply outlining the emergency, and asking folks to contact you if they had any information or could help in any way.

I gotta go spend some time with Akien. More later if you wish.