I've been biting my tongue on this since it first came up. This is an awful situation for you and Pat, but it really just exemplifies all my problems with organised religion. Too often the people who come to control such things are the small-minded petty ones who care more about small print and bigotry than real people. It sounds as if you're going to be at least semi-detached, in a fairly public way, from this church from now on. It will probably be best to detach completely and to try to find a community that actually respects its members' choices rather than one that browbeats and blackmails them back into the closet.

And I wonder how consistant they're really being. Ignoring good points made above about the old testament and african missionaries, what does your church do about people committing adultary? I'm sure there must be many divorcees in your church. Are they prevented from taking up office? Are they 'told on' to the diocese? And what about those having ongoing illicit affairs that are kept secret from other partners, with all the lies and hurt that can produce?

If your church accepts those who are unfaithful but lie about it while it pillories you for being honest, fair and open, then this is hipocrasy of the rankest kind and you would be well rid of them.

Let those without sin cast the first letter to the bishop.