feeling down...

[jay]

Yesterday was productive, so why am I this far down? I finished the drilling paper and sent it off for review, and assembled and packed and shipped three huge duffels-worth of IP phones and a rock hammer and fleeces and Gore-tex and a tent... enough for me, as well as extras for Julie if she happens to be called-up to help cook there on Devon Island. And including little items, like gloves from patgreene, one of tenacious_snail's heavy shirts, or vitamin supplements from Nancy. And FedEx tracking shows that all three made it safely to Ottawa overnight, positioned to be shipped to Resolute.

I scrambled... got the paper completed and sent in... left work at 5:30pm, after being there until 3am the night before. Had had a nice lunch with p3aches and her baby.

But was late getting to Berkeley to meet Julie. Dinner was a bit awkward, as Julie and I hadn't seen each other since March, but OK. We went to Wine and Song... it was fun to introduce Julie to my friends there. But it was running late, there was an undercurrent of stress, and finally both Julie and Les had to leave early. Julie dropped me at my car in Berkeley, then I had a tense, distant hour with Les before finally returning to W&S to pick up James there.

This morning... I feel down. Unenthusiastic about anything, a bit hung over, feeling unwanted and useless. Squabbling with Pascal by email to Edmonton, where he is now. Maybe I had too many expectations for last night... I rarely get two sweeties together under the same roof at the same time.

Off to a friend's ordination, this morning...

Comments

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

I sometimes think you may overbook and overschedule yourself because you have a core belief that relates to success, failure, and who you are. I don't know *what* the core belief is, just I have some sense that you aren't comfortable being a 100% success, so you add enough things to your schedule that you're likely to have some level of "failure" someplace, and that this somehow meets some need of yours, and fulfills your "story" of what your life is supposed to be like.

(feel free to examine my perceptions, and discard them if they don't seem to fit)

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

No. Sigh. (shakes head)

I overbook and overschedule because I'm ambitious, I want to get as much done as possible and not have much downtime, and because people keep asking me for things and I hate to say "no". So I try to do everything, and I think I actually do amazingly well at covering it all without being any further behind than I usually am.

[lynne-laughs.livejournal.com]

You "over" book and "over" schedule. and you "cover" it well.

Is this really how you want your life to be?
Why not do only 10 things rather than 20? Does doing more mean something? Is it better to do 10 things amazingly well than to have "covered" all 20?
Can you be ambitious and avoid all the rushing and scrambling and stressing? How can downtime actually help you get more accomplished?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

So far it still beats having to either settle, becoming a flake and dropping things, or having to say no...

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

what you wrote does sound exactly like the man that I love. *smooch*.