And... I already often feel like I'm running a net deficit, that people are being nice to me just by tolerating my presence or existence in their midst. Adding too much additional bother to that could make me a nuisance and cause the community to cast me away.

Hugs.

Why this again, now? Does it ever go away, even for a few minutes?

I think that the community will accept you more strongly if you ask for help in a very specific way, and then accept that help. IME, people want to be asked for help, and people want to help other people. I feel closer to someone after I have given zir assistance with something. It doesn't make me feel superior or one-up on points. It makes me feel good, and it makes me feel connected with another person.

As I wrote in another comment, I'm writing this as much for my benefit as yours. I'm tired of thinking I have to do everything myself, but it's so hard to break that habit.

Both of our religions talk about the importance of service, in different ways. You and I shouldn't be the only people who are allowed to serve.