I'd have given the same advice if you'd asked me directly. Actually, I remember something else I probably should have added, which I'll add now -- more information is good. It's always easier to become insecure as a consequence of a series of unknowns than it is as a consequence of a series of knowns.
I am not, by nature, someone who tends to get involved in flame wars. I have my opinions, of course, but I never seek to hurt anyone with them. My even inadvertently hurting someone hurts me even harder, it's just not something I ever, ever like doing. In fact, it was this tendency of mine that led me to quit the business world, age 35, and to go back and do a PhD as a mature student. I just hit a point when I couldn't do it any more -- having to be hard, even nasty, to survive in business just wasn't something I could make myself do consistently enough to actually be successful. I'm very glad to have put that behind me, and (despite fairly regular offers since then), I've had a policy of turning down offers to participate in startups, even though I could potentially earn a huge amount of money if they were successful. Honestly, I earn enough to get by, I don't need that pain any more.
Basically, deep down, I just want to be happy, and have the people around me happy, and the people around *them* happy. I have maybe a bit too much tendency to try to help people for my own good (my current situation is a direct consequence of that, and please believe me when I say that your offers of help mean a lot to me), but to be honest, I like me the way I am, and if that means my getting taken for a ride occasionally then so be it. I cope with adversity basically by making contingency plans, as I said over at tenacious_snail's LJ, because through that, I can convince myself that I am OK with (or at least have some kind of response ready for) all eventualities.
I study martial arts, as I think you know, and I've signed up to do Impact. My reasons for this are actually because I'm nonviolent, and prefer to keep it that way. Having some ability to defend myself has been necessary, to a significant extent, for me to get over some PTSD issues that lurked from my past. It's worked -- the flashbacks hardly ever happen now. I'm also much fitter and thirty pounds lighter over the last six months. I've never had to use martial arts for-real, outside the dojo, and sincerely hope that I never have to. Oddly, though I'd not expected to, I did find that I actually find it really enjoyable in both a physical and in a geeky kind of way -- it pushes a lot of the same buttons for me in that respect as yacht racing did for me in my late teens.
Anyway, I've probably blathered on long enough now. :-)
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Date: 2008-03-05 08:14 am (UTC)I am not, by nature, someone who tends to get involved in flame wars. I have my opinions, of course, but I never seek to hurt anyone with them. My even inadvertently hurting someone hurts me even harder, it's just not something I ever, ever like doing. In fact, it was this tendency of mine that led me to quit the business world, age 35, and to go back and do a PhD as a mature student. I just hit a point when I couldn't do it any more -- having to be hard, even nasty, to survive in business just wasn't something I could make myself do consistently enough to actually be successful. I'm very glad to have put that behind me, and (despite fairly regular offers since then), I've had a policy of turning down offers to participate in startups, even though I could potentially earn a huge amount of money if they were successful. Honestly, I earn enough to get by, I don't need that pain any more.
Basically, deep down, I just want to be happy, and have the people around me happy, and the people around *them* happy. I have maybe a bit too much tendency to try to help people for my own good (my current situation is a direct consequence of that, and please believe me when I say that your offers of help mean a lot to me), but to be honest, I like me the way I am, and if that means my getting taken for a ride occasionally then so be it. I cope with adversity basically by making contingency plans, as I said over at
I study martial arts, as I think you know, and I've signed up to do Impact. My reasons for this are actually because I'm nonviolent, and prefer to keep it that way. Having some ability to defend myself has been necessary, to a significant extent, for me to get over some PTSD issues that lurked from my past. It's worked -- the flashbacks hardly ever happen now. I'm also much fitter and thirty pounds lighter over the last six months. I've never had to use martial arts for-real, outside the dojo, and sincerely hope that I never have to. Oddly, though I'd not expected to, I did find that I actually find it really enjoyable in both a physical and in a geeky kind of way -- it pushes a lot of the same buttons for me in that respect as yacht racing did for me in my late teens.
Anyway, I've probably blathered on long enough now. :-)