I met brian1789 almost four years ago, so all of my data is during that time frame.
I've seen that where he used to respond as though attacked to things that were at a 4 on a scale of 10, at all times. These days, its usually more like around a 7, most of the time. If he's already feeling stressed or sleep deprived or like he's been attacked in another quarter, he's more likely to start responding at a 6 or a 5. If the perceived attack is coming from someone who is in his category of "perceived attacker", you can probably subtract a number off of that.
I think both of you have assumptions on how the other is going to behave (attacking/feeling attacked) that makes this cycle actually harder to get out of, because interactions are colored by past experience and assumptions, so that any data that supports those assumptions are given more weight.
(for reference, my own "am going to perceive myself as attacked" would probably be at around 8 or 9 on that scale).
Re: *shrug*
I've seen that where he used to respond as though attacked to things that were at a 4 on a scale of 10, at all times. These days, its usually more like around a 7, most of the time. If he's already feeling stressed or sleep deprived or like he's been attacked in another quarter, he's more likely to start responding at a 6 or a 5. If the perceived attack is coming from someone who is in his category of "perceived attacker", you can probably subtract a number off of that.
I think both of you have assumptions on how the other is going to behave (attacking/feeling attacked) that makes this cycle actually harder to get out of, because interactions are colored by past experience and assumptions, so that any data that supports those assumptions are given more weight.
(for reference, my own "am going to perceive myself as attacked" would probably be at around 8 or 9 on that scale).