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A strange feeling...
A sweetie of mine today sent me an email. "...since you don't like to ask for help, I thought I'd ask for some as a way to generate ideas."
And she posted a question. And received a warm and supportive response, from her friends, who naturally assumed that it was something of concern to her. And there were, in fact, some useful ideas there for me.
It's a strange feeling watching the difference in responses over there, though, compared to the kinds of responses, or lack thereof, over here when I ask for advice. I can't help but wonder how it would have been different if I'd directly posted exactly the same question in my own journal. Some people would not have replied, certainly. Others I feel would have been less likely to offer their comments or help. And there's a nagging feeling that I would have been somehow "made to be wrong" or criticized if I'd opened myself up in exactly the same way.
Still, this was a loving and supportive act on my sweetie's part, even if I feel a bit sheepish... would these people have been as helpful if they'd known?
And she posted a question. And received a warm and supportive response, from her friends, who naturally assumed that it was something of concern to her. And there were, in fact, some useful ideas there for me.
It's a strange feeling watching the difference in responses over there, though, compared to the kinds of responses, or lack thereof, over here when I ask for advice. I can't help but wonder how it would have been different if I'd directly posted exactly the same question in my own journal. Some people would not have replied, certainly. Others I feel would have been less likely to offer their comments or help. And there's a nagging feeling that I would have been somehow "made to be wrong" or criticized if I'd opened myself up in exactly the same way.
Still, this was a loving and supportive act on my sweetie's part, even if I feel a bit sheepish... would these people have been as helpful if they'd known?
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All of that said (i.e., if he'd spoken from his own experience, it likely would have been better), you ARE oversensitive IMO, in that your level of sensitivity is greater than the "norm" of this particular social group. Griff WAS speaking from his own experience--to him it DID feel like getting his own words thrown back in his face. I don't think it was hyperbole, even. OTOH, you ARE countersuggestive, and you often reject direct suggestions, even when you've asked for them. Honestly, I think you need to QTIP a bit more. This might also be a good place to apply "Miller's Law," and try to imagine how what he is saying could be true for him, rather than (for instance) dismissing his words as "inflammatory." (You can still do that even if he isn't using "I-language," BTW; it's just easier to forget.)
Would they have helped you as much if they'd known who they were helping? Probably not, because you've shown that you usually won't listen, or at least only reluctantly. But the only way for you to know is to ask... and then actually listen. That requires receptivity, rather than defensiveness. It wouldn't be easy for you (anymore than not being defensive is easy for me. *wry smile*). I'm guessing you have the inherent abilities, though you might not have all the skills to make it easy.
(hug)
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