Yeah, I find it very confusing. But that does seem accurate. The result is that I, as someone who is one of Jay's non-existent chosen-family (*wry smile*), feel that he's usually pushing to have our relationship be something that it isn't (for me). Unfortunately, has led to me pushing back, defining MY relationship space, and me telling him that we're not in the very relationship that he needs us to be in to feel safe. We end up bouncing off each other like a tied pair of rubber bouncy balls. I get frustrated because I don't want to cut the connection, but we can't seem to find a comfortable place to be. It seems to work much better if I just let him call me "sweetie," and I hear it as "chosen family." I think we mean more the same thing by that than I'd originally thought.