Let's see if there can be ways for you to feel more freedom to say "I'm going to go do X" and be supported in that.
Relatedly, some of the impetus for me to begin looking for more outside activities for myself was the realization that I was relying more heavily on you than was optimal (for either of us) for my own social interaction. In retrospect, perhaps I ought to have made that process more explicit... at the time, it felt more like an "I need to clean up my own codependency" thing, so I simply set about taking care of it by looking to expand my own social and activity repertoire. But, it didn't occur to me that perhaps I needed to make explicit the parallel intention of "hey, it's ok for you to go do your own thing more" likewise. I know that I've been trying to encourage your time with other partners more in recent weeks; perhaps we need to make that encouragement more explicit in the realms of hobbies and your seeing other friends as well.
Ideally, you'd be able to take time to go do your own thing apart from the house more, and *also* collaborate more on cool new adventure-finding with those of us who you live with ;-) Sometimes perhaps there could be larger group adventures as well, with both house folks and friends. Let's do talk more later on how to bring more of this about.
(Acknowleging as well here that you and P might need to have your own conversations around these themes, which may or may not be similar to ours. In any case, you have my support for whatever she feels comfortable with in these realms).
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Date: 2009-01-25 06:39 am (UTC)Relatedly, some of the impetus for me to begin looking for more outside activities for myself was the realization that I was relying more heavily on you than was optimal (for either of us) for my own social interaction. In retrospect, perhaps I ought to have made that process more explicit... at the time, it felt more like an "I need to clean up my own codependency" thing, so I simply set about taking care of it by looking to expand my own social and activity repertoire. But, it didn't occur to me that perhaps I needed to make explicit the parallel intention of "hey, it's ok for you to go do your own thing more" likewise. I know that I've been trying to encourage your time with other partners more in recent weeks; perhaps we need to make that encouragement more explicit in the realms of hobbies and your seeing other friends as well.
Ideally, you'd be able to take time to go do your own thing apart from the house more, and *also* collaborate more on cool new adventure-finding with those of us who you live with ;-) Sometimes perhaps there could be larger group adventures as well, with both house folks and friends. Let's do talk more later on how to bring more of this about.
(Acknowleging as well here that you and P might need to have your own conversations around these themes, which may or may not be similar to ours. In any case, you have my support for whatever she feels comfortable with in these realms).