Akien and I are having issues that sound somewhat similar to this. There's a balance point to be found somewhere between "I'm doing this, and you can lump it if you don't like it," and the other extreme of "Honey, may I have permission to go get a cup of coffee?"

Have you already tried having each person have a "day" that's "theirs," that they get to do whatever they want, without discussing it with the others in advance--or at all?