Whereas, some of my deep darker aspects are revealed in the fact that I feel like a natural right-hand woman. I get into terrible trouble for being bossy, but in fact, I prefer to be the trusted lieutenant whose advice and thoughts are always seriously considered. Of course, there's an inconsistency, because I will not accept anyone taking an action which seems to me very likely to lead to significant harm or adverse affects.
All that. Just that. You described exactly how I am about this. I'm happiest with my supervisor-graduate student relationships that are like that (where they don't rely on me to make their decisions, but they consider everything I say very carefully before making them themselves), and it's the role I feel I can play in the political arena, too.
I don't think this is a bad thing, really -- the bad part is just how much I *suck* at any other kind of role. If I'm actually the one in charge, who has to take responsibility in name, too, I'm so uncomfortable that I never get accustomed to it no matter how long it takes. If I'm part of a committee with someone else in charge, or in a subservient role in a duo, I can get lazy and not pull my weight. The only other power arrangement I'm happy with is one of complete equality (as in my relationship with my academic co-author).
I'm okay with my preferences in this respect, but sometimes you have to be in situations that run counter to them. I do wish they didn't handicap me so much as to what I can do in my job, in my life, in the world.
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Date: 2002-11-22 07:47 am (UTC)All that. Just that. You described exactly how I am about this. I'm happiest with my supervisor-graduate student relationships that are like that (where they don't rely on me to make their decisions, but they consider everything I say very carefully before making them themselves), and it's the role I feel I can play in the political arena, too.
I don't think this is a bad thing, really -- the bad part is just how much I *suck* at any other kind of role. If I'm actually the one in charge, who has to take responsibility in name, too, I'm so uncomfortable that I never get accustomed to it no matter how long it takes. If I'm part of a committee with someone else in charge, or in a subservient role in a duo, I can get lazy and not pull my weight. The only other power arrangement I'm happy with is one of complete equality (as in my relationship with my academic co-author).
I'm okay with my preferences in this respect, but sometimes you have to be in situations that run counter to them. I do wish they didn't handicap me so much as to what I can do in my job, in my life, in the world.
-J