Getting soft...

[jay]

Feh. Once upon a time, I frequented Usenet and local mailing lists, was involved in various discussions, and knew how to defend myself. Ideas were filtered several times before posting. Weaknesses were studied, anticipating possible challenges or lines-of-attack. Nits that could be seized on by net.nuisances were carefully combed out, especially spelling. Statements were personally qualified to avoid generalizations, sometimes redundantly-so in the same sentence.

Then came LJ... and I've gotten soft, and sloppy. Not on my toes, not as careful about attack-angles or spelling (or missing clauses!). After all, the folks on one's LJ reader list are called friends, and they tend to be a bit more sympathetic, supportive and are self-selected.

But on Usenet and broad mailing lists, it's still harsh out there... not only are the random readers not my friends, they may be overtly hostile, looking for opportunities to throw scorn and snideness in my direction. I've re-learned this the hard way over the past week or so. If I'm going to spend significant time and energy in those forums, I have to get back in my older, harder mindset.

Comments

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

I can really understand and sympathize with that impulse. I just want to say, though, in all sincerity, that what helped me cope with being flamed on Usenet and big lists was exactly the opposite -- I let myself be vulnerable, and I examined why all these people thought I was a fuckwit. I was humbled, I learned something, and I think I came out of it a better person and a better debater. (I'm not saying this is the best path for you, just that it really helped me, though it was painful at first.)

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

Well said. I myself prefer to simply not frequent such fora. But it sounds like you took the whole situation and used it to improve yourself in valuable ways. Kudos.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Okay, the thought of not participating on Usenet just gave me a cold chill. ;-)

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I think that would be very hard. I admire your willingness to let yourself be vulnerable in those places. Without a basis for trusting all of the participants on those groups, that was a huge risk with an uncertain benefit.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

*nod* That makes sense to me. I guess I decided that if I didn't know most of these people personally (and at the time I didn't, though I do now), I had very little to lose except my reputation for being, how did one woman put it, "A fluffy-barfy I'm-so-above-labels bisexual". :-)