Make it stop...

[jay]

Euw... I've been really down on myself over the past few days. (shakes head) It's been a constant energy overhead to nip the self-negative tapes and self-blame, like an unpleasant song that just won't leave one's head after trying to eradicate it for the 89th time. And I've slipped several times. Really, I'm not an inherently worthless, undesirable, unlikable person (!)... argh. An ongoing internal battle with myself, these past few days.

[Note: this is not fishing, I'm just venting here out of frustration with myself.]

Comments

[dancing-star.livejournal.com]

No, I find you very likable, intelligent, person.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm not fishing for compliments or counter-proofs, though... I know I'm not a schmuck, at least not more than anyone else. I'm just venting my frustration a bit... this is all draining energy that could be going elsewhere.

[dancing-star.livejournal.com]

If I thought you were looking for compliments, I wouldn't be repling to be honest, I respond because I mean what I say.

[grynz.livejournal.com]

When I get into moods like that I've started using my self-affirmations. I try to write down a whole bunch of good things about myself and when that negative tape starts to play I repete my affirmations out loud or I put them on a tape and play the tape.

It feels cheesy at first and you sit there saying "I can't believe I'm doing this" but it is really a good way to start trying to reprogram those negative tapes. Sometimes if you're having problems thinking of good things about yourself it helps to ask friends and loved ones what they like about you, including children.

Personally I think the tip of the iceburg is you're highly intelligent, great to talk to, give good hugs, are caring, giving, considerate, friendly, and worth while.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I've tried to go back to the list of self-affirmations that I put together last spring, during Lent. But it does seem silly... I just want to say "who am I fooling, here?" sometimes.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

And I still owe you lunch sometime, so if you'd be willing to talk about this in-person...