jay | parent-trudging

Some days, all one can do with one's children is muddle-through.

patgreene's off at a weekend retreat, so I get a turn at playing single-parent. And at church this morning, David misbehaved badly... first by repeatedly running away during the liturgy, then during the organized activities for kids that replaced Sunday School this week (most teachers were also on the retreat). The understaffed class couldn't handle his tantrums, rolling and screaming on the floor, and refusal to participate in organized games. They took him on a walk -- it didn't work -- then had to grab me out of the adult homily audience to remove him. I took David and Kevin home early... David screaming and refusing to let go of the doorknob there... making an exit scene that probably disturbed the adult service. James had gone offsite with the teens, and got a separate ride home.

(shakes head) I'm embarrassed, stressed, and still have to get a pot roast into the crockpot and the house cleaned before Pat gets home. And all I really want is a nap...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(hugs)
you are doing the very best you can,
and you should be content with that.
(more hugs)

Thanks... today was simply difficult.

Ahhhhhhh
Ummm don't mean to sound ummmm unsympathetic... but you dealt with this for one day. Pat, as I did, deals with it everyday. Even when they're not tantruming you live in fear that they will tantrum, you go nowhere, do nothing, where you're not on, you never completely relax in any environment.

Gentle suggestion: instead of thinking on how hard this has been on you, think of it as a learning experience, a moment of deeper understanding into what Pat's world is.

(nods) I've actually watched the kids on other occasions, and other trips, so the experience itself wasn't new. Today was simply a worse-than-usual day.

many hugs, your parish knows you so hopefully they have some idea of the kinds of difficulties you had today. In addition every parent sometimes struggles with a missbehaving child so im sure the parents in the audience sympathised. Hugs t

No one reproached me... it is just that David had been making progress there, and today was a behavioral step backwards.

I can relate to how that feels.

maybe its just church. maybe hes a pagan in waiting. YAY!

Hang in there....~sends patient parenting vibes!~

The rest of the day was better... and thanks :-).

Oy. Even the best of parents have days like this. Hang in there. Bedtime and unconsciousness will be here soon. ;^)

Whew... they're to bed now, and Pat's back. Having had only 3 hours of sleep didn't help, but after a nap I now feel better. Thanks...

Was it the kids who kept you up? Or were you misbehaving the previous evening and not going to bed on time? :-)

I do wonder whether there might have been some good reason for David's distress that you might have been able to address before the situation deteriorated as far as it did? Was the trigger the absence of his mother? Was he in any physical discomfort? He's probably too young to be objecting to church on philosophical grounds, but despite making a completely inappropriate form of objection like that, he'd still be within his rights.

Hang in there. Bedtime and rest for you are around the corner - hope the kids go down easy for you tonight! In the very least, it's a really good chance for you to see what Pat has to deal with when you are traveling for work. Look at it as a chance to heighten communication and empathy between you.

They went down easily. And it does give me more empathy to/from Pat... she also gets to be the one away while the kids are misbehaving, and dealing with her feelings about the aftermath.

Another thing I wanted to share:

I understand you feeling embarrassed.. on a basic level... but really.... there in your church with your community members who undoubtedly support and care about you..... you don't need to be embarrassed. Why else are you there at church.. if not to bond with your community and recieve their support?

That your son has some special issues that challenge him (and perhaps those caring for him) is a part of who your unique family is. I think that the purpose of 'church' is for all of us in our uniqueness to come together and be ourselves, and support each other, without having to be judged. At least, that's my idealized version of what church should be.

In my mind, a 'worship service' should include the real interactions and real presence of the very real humans who are participating. And that includes you and your sons.

I used to work in an adult group home with various folks, including one guy whose diagnosis was autistic. Sure, there are challenges with going out into the community with folks who don't know how to 'play along and behave properly' in every instance. I've been out shopping where my every moment was spent anxiously with one eye on a guy I knew was primed and ready to do some property destruction, and I never knew when he'd go off. Etc. What I really liked about working in the group home, however, was that I learned more about how to experience the real range of our human behavioral range. The thing I learned there is that there is a much wider range of "what is possible" in our human existence and expression, than just what is socially 'acceptable'. Every one of us is so unique. We tend to forget that somtimes. ALL of us really take alot longer to get to know, to TRULY know, than any of us really realizes. I think we tend to forget that too.....

I hope you are having a nice afternoon with the boys.
:)

The other folks there were friendly and supportive -- it was really that I feel bad for having to ask for help, for not being self-reliant with my kids, and for inconveniencing everyone at the service with my childrens' screams. Even though they're nice about it.

And this afternoon was better, thanks...

Ah, someday you may laugh about all this...

At least, I smile over my memories....
We almost never made it to church on time. This really stressed out my dad, and he yelled at us a lot. Certainly it embarressed him: "Why can't we get to service on time /once/?" Well, we did sometimes, and I don't think we ever got there really late, but he did make a big deal of it.

Eventually, this ceased to be such a large problem because we'd all end up there early for his choir practice or something. Or we just figured out how to be better about time. Or lost self-consciousness.

Some things never change: I still have to fight myself to get to church on time.

While there may be some people who don't understand, there will also be sympathetic people. Screaming babeies in church means there's young people around. And that tends to be good.

Speaking as a Bible class teacher, whose class includes at least one child with an autism-spectrum diagnosis (and another who I suspect may have something like Asperger's, though I don't know of a diagnosis besides ADD), it happens. And some days, you have enough hands to deal with it yourself, and some days, you don't. I don't recall the datails of your kid's situation, but I know for the little boy in my class, any change in routine is very difficult for him. If your son has similar issues, the difference in the activities may have been too much for him to cope with. Yeah, it's hard some times. The fact that he has been making progress in that context is a good sign, and he'll probably be back to where he was in a week or two.

parent-trudging

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject