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In-between friend?
Oct. 15th, 2001 10:56 pmToday a friend and I kissed and made up. Figuratively speaking, of course (since we've never actually kissed, it's an out-of-bounds behavior ;-). It's nice to be back on speaking terms. And there's a hole in my life that has now been refilled. But things won't be the same... our breakup effectively removed this friend from any future delusions (on my part) regarding the potential in that relationship. Which is healthy, albeit painful... I'm still mourning that part, even if it was one-sided to begin with.
Except that now I have no idea what to do with this person. I still love zir... but our communication styles are vastly different, as are our priorities in relationships and friendships. I tend towards having an "inner circle" of intimate friends and sweeties (which may be platonic or not) who are explicitly trusted with my secrets and my innermost thoughts. And towards whom I focus most of my relationship energy and time. And then there is an "outer circle" of casual friends and acquaintenances, who get more surface-level sharing and much less energy... I might see an outer-circle person only a few times per year, or less. And then there are strangers, and those with overtly hostile intent.
My friend has said that zie doesn't want to be an inner-circle person (too close, too intimate) but also doesn't want to be relegated to arms-length and occasional polite encounters. So I don't know what to do with zir... subconscious reaction on my part is to continue to treat zir as an inner-circle person as before, but that isn't going to work. Zie requires some kind of strange hybrid in-between status, relationship-wise... close in some things, distant in others. It will be on -the-job training... if it can be made to work.
Otherwise, I sweltered in Oakland yesterday at the A's-Yankee's game, which dragged on and on and ended miserably (for my side). At least my son James and I got several good conversations in, and a friend from SF joined us (to cheer on zir hometown Yankees). Zie had reason to cheer, unfortunately... but it was nice to hang out and talk with them both. If blazing hot... the two warmest days of the fall seem to have been the days I spent outside, immobile in the sun (yesterday and FSF).
Work has slowed... waiting for reviewer's comments on the drilling report. Thursday I'll head south to JPL for our end-of-year project review. Since this report isn't actually due until March '02, I really didn't need to work 75 hours last week, I guess... but I had promised them a draft by October to help the program office downselect from four to two candidate drills. Otherwise, air traffic commercialization is quiet right now, and I just got my full GeoSoft data package in the mail, containing last summer's magnetic mapping of Haughton Crater.
And Pat and I are at odds again over the logistics around a sweetie's visit this week... sigh. I know it must be hard on her sometimes... dealing with insecurity and jealousy issues, with no payback other than observing my happiness. Not fun, I expect.
And after mentioning LJ to my (reconstructed) friend, I've now "come out" by commenting on a widely-read journalist's entry. After 15 days, this seems to be working OK, so I can be a bit more open .
Except that now I have no idea what to do with this person. I still love zir... but our communication styles are vastly different, as are our priorities in relationships and friendships. I tend towards having an "inner circle" of intimate friends and sweeties (which may be platonic or not) who are explicitly trusted with my secrets and my innermost thoughts. And towards whom I focus most of my relationship energy and time. And then there is an "outer circle" of casual friends and acquaintenances, who get more surface-level sharing and much less energy... I might see an outer-circle person only a few times per year, or less. And then there are strangers, and those with overtly hostile intent.
My friend has said that zie doesn't want to be an inner-circle person (too close, too intimate) but also doesn't want to be relegated to arms-length and occasional polite encounters. So I don't know what to do with zir... subconscious reaction on my part is to continue to treat zir as an inner-circle person as before, but that isn't going to work. Zie requires some kind of strange hybrid in-between status, relationship-wise... close in some things, distant in others. It will be on -the-job training... if it can be made to work.
Otherwise, I sweltered in Oakland yesterday at the A's-Yankee's game, which dragged on and on and ended miserably (for my side). At least my son James and I got several good conversations in, and a friend from SF joined us (to cheer on zir hometown Yankees). Zie had reason to cheer, unfortunately... but it was nice to hang out and talk with them both. If blazing hot... the two warmest days of the fall seem to have been the days I spent outside, immobile in the sun (yesterday and FSF).
Work has slowed... waiting for reviewer's comments on the drilling report. Thursday I'll head south to JPL for our end-of-year project review. Since this report isn't actually due until March '02, I really didn't need to work 75 hours last week, I guess... but I had promised them a draft by October to help the program office downselect from four to two candidate drills. Otherwise, air traffic commercialization is quiet right now, and I just got my full GeoSoft data package in the mail, containing last summer's magnetic mapping of Haughton Crater.
And Pat and I are at odds again over the logistics around a sweetie's visit this week... sigh. I know it must be hard on her sometimes... dealing with insecurity and jealousy issues, with no payback other than observing my happiness. Not fun, I expect.
And after mentioning LJ to my (reconstructed) friend, I've now "come out" by commenting on a widely-read journalist's entry. After 15 days, this seems to be working OK, so I can be a bit more open .
