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Oct. 3rd, 2005
A farewell... and reunion
Oct. 3rd, 2005 10:47 amI'm glad that I ended my work overseas a few days early so I could attend my grandmother's funeral, even if it was stressful and draining at times. My mother and aunts and uncle were on the edge, struggling to maintain control over their grief and tears, and I was able to stand next to my mom at the graveside service and hold her and wipe the occasional tear. And my siblings were there, and most of my cousins and aunts and uncles on my mother's side.
My grandmother had a lot to overcome in life... several miscarriages, raising five kids in the Depression and WWII on a bricklayer's income, dealing with my grandfather's alcoholism and occasional physical abuse... it was tough. *She* was tough... a saint, but worldly-wise, too. Cracked bad jokes, even dirty ones, into her 90s. Had favorite hymns, which she would sing unprompted during the day. Remembered specific details and key words to use with every grandchild, great-grandchild, and even great-greats. Still teased me as "Jay-spittykiss", as though I were still a 4-year old ;) She was loving and compassionate and tenacious and stubborn and a low-key, patient, persistent survivor. I took a lot of inspiration from her, in my teens and 20s. And said as much at the service, when I had the chance.
She was the matriarch of a large clan, nearly 100 at this point... but it was because her descendants loved and honored her, not because she asked for or imposed her wishes. She was a nexus point for information and a mediator and a source of love and support if you were in a crisis, even if it was obviously of your own doing. I wonder how the family branches will stay as connected, now. I miss her.
She was buried next to my grandfather in Topeka Cemetary, less than 100 yards from the tomb of Charles Curtis ( Herbert Hoover's VP, and the only Native American vice president).
After the service, we went to a country club for a catered reception... in the foyer, they had been having a autumn festival and had jack-o-lanterns still done in orange chalk on their sign above the erased and rewritten words "Funeral Reception ->". No one had proofread for content, apparently ;). One of my cousins was horrified and wanted to get the management to change the sign, but the rest of us agreed that Nan would have probably been amused by it, herself.
We were all stressed, still... later that afternoon, my cousins congregated in my sister's hotel room, 15-20 of us with beer on ice in the bathtub and pitchers of margaritas... a bit like hanging out with them when we were all 20 years younger. Something about confronting death, and grieving... we were all very open and cuddly and even flirty with each other. In some cases, after not seeing each other for 10 years or more. Later, we went en masse to a pub for dinner, managed to bring along Uncle Jerry and get him a birthday cake (it was his birthday, poor guy) and sing, and finally decamped to a crowded, smoke-filled country and western bar with a weird playlist (not just rock interludes, but hip-hop?) after a deluge which left us hydroplaning and waiting it out. But it was a good reunion, surprising to pick up relationships that were strong at times when we were kids and teens.
Back to the hotel by 1:30am... up at 5am to take my mom and brother Coby to KCI airport. I thought I was doing well with jet lag and margaritas the previous night to simply stay conscious...
A lunch and interlude with Nancy and Dave in Minneapolis, seeing their new house, and I was home by 8pm.
My grandmother had a lot to overcome in life... several miscarriages, raising five kids in the Depression and WWII on a bricklayer's income, dealing with my grandfather's alcoholism and occasional physical abuse... it was tough. *She* was tough... a saint, but worldly-wise, too. Cracked bad jokes, even dirty ones, into her 90s. Had favorite hymns, which she would sing unprompted during the day. Remembered specific details and key words to use with every grandchild, great-grandchild, and even great-greats. Still teased me as "Jay-spittykiss", as though I were still a 4-year old ;) She was loving and compassionate and tenacious and stubborn and a low-key, patient, persistent survivor. I took a lot of inspiration from her, in my teens and 20s. And said as much at the service, when I had the chance.
She was the matriarch of a large clan, nearly 100 at this point... but it was because her descendants loved and honored her, not because she asked for or imposed her wishes. She was a nexus point for information and a mediator and a source of love and support if you were in a crisis, even if it was obviously of your own doing. I wonder how the family branches will stay as connected, now. I miss her.
She was buried next to my grandfather in Topeka Cemetary, less than 100 yards from the tomb of Charles Curtis ( Herbert Hoover's VP, and the only Native American vice president).
After the service, we went to a country club for a catered reception... in the foyer, they had been having a autumn festival and had jack-o-lanterns still done in orange chalk on their sign above the erased and rewritten words "Funeral Reception ->". No one had proofread for content, apparently ;). One of my cousins was horrified and wanted to get the management to change the sign, but the rest of us agreed that Nan would have probably been amused by it, herself.
We were all stressed, still... later that afternoon, my cousins congregated in my sister's hotel room, 15-20 of us with beer on ice in the bathtub and pitchers of margaritas... a bit like hanging out with them when we were all 20 years younger. Something about confronting death, and grieving... we were all very open and cuddly and even flirty with each other. In some cases, after not seeing each other for 10 years or more. Later, we went en masse to a pub for dinner, managed to bring along Uncle Jerry and get him a birthday cake (it was his birthday, poor guy) and sing, and finally decamped to a crowded, smoke-filled country and western bar with a weird playlist (not just rock interludes, but hip-hop?) after a deluge which left us hydroplaning and waiting it out. But it was a good reunion, surprising to pick up relationships that were strong at times when we were kids and teens.
Back to the hotel by 1:30am... up at 5am to take my mom and brother Coby to KCI airport. I thought I was doing well with jet lag and margaritas the previous night to simply stay conscious...
A lunch and interlude with Nancy and Dave in Minneapolis, seeing their new house, and I was home by 8pm.
