Account is back on

No, I wasn't asserting any moral superiority... nor do I particularly have a side in the breastfeeding debate, we supplemented our three. And yes, given that I have a permanent account, Six Apart stood to lose nothing by my departure.

IMO, it was about them pre-censoring content on behalf of external conservative social or religious pressures... and greater participation equalled more counter-pressure, and it didn't cost me much, so why not... Anyway, I don't care what people use as their default icons, it should be their choice (not mine, Jerry Falwell's or their blog service's).

winds of change at work...

On Tuesday, I received a last minute invitation (thanks to Pascal) to join a "young Ames brainstorming session" organized with Pete Worden, our new director. I was stretching "young" a bit, even if I'm well under the median staff age here (49). Still, I have a reputation as not tied to the status quo and willing to be outspoken in slicing up local sacred cows, which often gets me in trouble but was valued here. I also used the chance to slip Worden an invitation to our project demo next month.

Worden has brought in a half-dozen "Wordenites" from outside NASA... industry, Air Force, DARPA, and entrepreneurs. One guy founded classmates.com and is in charge of building joint pursuits together with Google ("they said that cost is no object, as long as it is cool stuff"). I suggested that we take an unused building in the NASA Research Park and make it a "playground" with instruments and facilities for designing and building small satellites and UAVs, then encourage Ames staff to spend a couple of days a month hanging out there, as well as inviting others to come by and "play". There were also arguments for setting up a Craigslist-like board for trading equipment and staff, putting e-forms in a wiki and having a center-wide IM provider. Worden himself came in halfway through the discussion... at one point, said jokingly "my job is to find you guys funding, and to shoot any bureaucrats that stand in your way." He held a center-wide BBQ today, with free beer (keep in mind that this is the same place that cancelled providing water coolers last year as a cost-cutting move).

Needless to say, morale locally has improved over the last month...

darker news...

As patgreene referenced yesterday, I received some very bad news Tuesday about my sister-in-law N. Last-ditch treatments for her multiple brain tumors didn't work. My brother C. was told that she only had 2-3 weeks left, and that was 10 days ago. She is currently unable to talk and her right side is paralyzed. She and my brother have two daughters, 6 and nearly 10. Her family (from Pakistan) are all with them in Atlanta. My parents are both very stressed and my dad has sky-high blood pressure... just a bad situation, all around.

I asked my brother two weeks ago what I could do to help... was told that things were in hand, but that visits would be appreciated. I saw N. two months ago in Atlanta, fairly recently, so patgreene will get a chance to visit next week, leaving Wednesday afternoon and returning Sunday evening. There had been some debate as to whether out-of-town visitors might make it too obvious to N. that things were near the end, but my brother said it would be OK for Pat to visit, maybe even helpful.

We are scheduled to go on a family vacation later in the month, with the kids... we will go ahead, but will stay within a day's drive of home (and I'll take a suit with me, just in case I need to leave directly from LA or San Diego).

It is scary. N. is someone I think of as vital, bouncy, affectionate... younger than I am, way too young to be going this soon, this way. She and Pat bonded over strategies for coping with their in-laws (my parents... wry grin). My brother has also been unemployed for much of the past year and I don't know how he's standing the huge combined stresses.

And I don't feel like I can let it out. Sometimes I'm just numb, sometimes little things send me into sudden reactions or nearly to tears. I feel like I need to project calmness and strength and to be there for my family. It is hard, but sometimes I feel almost too calm, or too tightly controlled... (shakes head). I don't know what to do, really, other than just cope.