darker news...
Jun. 8th, 2006 05:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jayAs patgreene referenced yesterday, I received some very bad news Tuesday about my sister-in-law N. Last-ditch treatments for her multiple brain tumors didn't work. My brother C. was told that she only had 2-3 weeks left, and that was 10 days ago. She is currently unable to talk and her right side is paralyzed. She and my brother have two daughters, 6 and nearly 10. Her family (from Pakistan) are all with them in Atlanta. My parents are both very stressed and my dad has sky-high blood pressure... just a bad situation, all around.
I asked my brother two weeks ago what I could do to help... was told that things were in hand, but that visits would be appreciated. I saw N. two months ago in Atlanta, fairly recently, sopatgreene will get a chance to visit next week, leaving Wednesday afternoon and returning Sunday evening. There had been some debate as to whether out-of-town visitors might make it too obvious to N. that things were near the end, but my brother said it would be OK for Pat to visit, maybe even helpful.
We are scheduled to go on a family vacation later in the month, with the kids... we will go ahead, but will stay within a day's drive of home (and I'll take a suit with me, just in case I need to leave directly from LA or San Diego).
It is scary. N. is someone I think of as vital, bouncy, affectionate... younger than I am, way too young to be going this soon, this way. She and Pat bonded over strategies for coping with their in-laws (my parents... wry grin). My brother has also been unemployed for much of the past year and I don't know how he's standing the huge combined stresses.
And I don't feel like I can let it out. Sometimes I'm just numb, sometimes little things send me into sudden reactions or nearly to tears. I feel like I need to project calmness and strength and to be there for my family. It is hard, but sometimes I feel almost too calm, or too tightly controlled... (shakes head). I don't know what to do, really, other than just cope.
patgreene referenced yesterday, I received some very bad news Tuesday about my sister-in-law N. Last-ditch treatments for her multiple brain tumors didn't work. My brother C. was told that she only had 2-3 weeks left, and that was 10 days ago. She is currently unable to talk and her right side is paralyzed. She and my brother have two daughters, 6 and nearly 10. Her family (from Pakistan) are all with them in Atlanta. My parents are both very stressed and my dad has sky-high blood pressure... just a bad situation, all around.I asked my brother two weeks ago what I could do to help... was told that things were in hand, but that visits would be appreciated. I saw N. two months ago in Atlanta, fairly recently, so
patgreene will get a chance to visit next week, leaving Wednesday afternoon and returning Sunday evening. There had been some debate as to whether out-of-town visitors might make it too obvious to N. that things were near the end, but my brother said it would be OK for Pat to visit, maybe even helpful. We are scheduled to go on a family vacation later in the month, with the kids... we will go ahead, but will stay within a day's drive of home (and I'll take a suit with me, just in case I need to leave directly from LA or San Diego).
It is scary. N. is someone I think of as vital, bouncy, affectionate... younger than I am, way too young to be going this soon, this way. She and Pat bonded over strategies for coping with their in-laws (my parents... wry grin). My brother has also been unemployed for much of the past year and I don't know how he's standing the huge combined stresses.
And I don't feel like I can let it out. Sometimes I'm just numb, sometimes little things send me into sudden reactions or nearly to tears. I feel like I need to project calmness and strength and to be there for my family. It is hard, but sometimes I feel almost too calm, or too tightly controlled... (shakes head). I don't know what to do, really, other than just cope.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 12:58 am (UTC)I suspect N knows she's dying. That something isn't right, even if no-one told her. How to live with that knowledge, day by day, minute by minute, is a mystery.
Is there any way you can call a friend for a hug, or spend some time just letting it out.
Cry. Then maybe pray, and ask others for support.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 12:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 01:28 am (UTC)I'm sorry.
And let it out if you need to. Find someone you feel safe with, and let it go for a little while.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 01:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 01:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 01:52 am (UTC)It really is okay to let it out. Sometimes what people need to see is that crying is okay, that being upset is okay, that some things are so big and sad and awful that it's hard or even impossible to stay composed when they happen. Let your family be there for you too.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 01:59 am (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 02:04 am (UTC)*hugs*
Do take care of yourself in all this.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:52 pm (UTC)*hug*
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 02:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 09:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 02:44 am (UTC)Let me know if there's anything I can do to help in terms of kid wrangling, or anything else. My shoulder is always available. Brain stuff is scary. You know I know.
((hug))
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 02:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 03:51 am (UTC)You folks are in my thoughts/prayers/things like that.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 04:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 05:31 am (UTC)Take care.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 05:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:49 pm (UTC)*gentlest of hugs*
Date: 2006-06-09 05:38 am (UTC)Be strong as and when you need to be but be sure to give yourself space to cry, be afraid, rant and pray.
*gentlest of hugs*
Re: *gentlest of hugs*
Date: 2006-06-09 08:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 05:42 am (UTC)If you could accept a professional massage, that is the kind of thing that could help you move some of those feelings right now, without having to let to many of them into your conscious thought.
Whether you need me as a grief expert, a partner, or a kid-wrangler, I'm there for you.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 06:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 09:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:11 am (UTC)I know I don't know you very well, but let me know if there's anything I can do to help with the coping.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 05:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 09:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 06:11 pm (UTC)(On a tangent, though -- when are y'all planning to be in SD?)
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 08:45 pm (UTC)We're due to arrive 6/20 Tuesday night, go to the Wild Animal Park near Carson on 6/21, generally hang out in SD on Thursday, and head back northwards on Friday 6/23. I'd be happy to see you, if that worked out.
(no subject)
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Date: 2006-06-09 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 09:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-11 11:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 01:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 12:50 am (UTC)