A goodbye...

"Have no expectations, while appreciating what's in your life." -C.

Funerals... seem to be about helping the bereaved process and cope with their loss, getting one's arms around the hole left behind. Yesterday was N.'s funeral. I'm numbed, still sad... it doesn't seem real that she's gone, even now. And my brother... I'm worried about him, he isn't letting himself grieve, yet, other than in the eulogy at the service... instead trying to take care of everyone else. Even bringing a bottle of 15-year-old Thomas Hardy's Ale because he knew we'd appreciate it and the symbolism (he and N. bought five bottles in the UK, shortly after they were married, and this was the last one).

I'm no one to talk, though, as I felt the same need to caretake, to be there for others and not whatever I wanted or needed to cope. We probably got this from our mom, who was busy doing the same thing despite her arthritis and fibromyalgia...

( the funeral... )

( different patterns than expected...  )

( Read more... )

Today... back home to California. I'll probably take tomorrow off just to recover from the past two weeks...
( a few photos, sad and happier... )

*so* not veg...

This weekend, I saw one of my cousins for the first time in 10 years... he has taken his engineering degree and put it to an interesting use... he owns a huge farm in rural south Georgia, in Camilla. He was trying to think of a way to make money off of culled chickens... typically 10% of chickens raised on a farm. Answer: raise alligators as well, and feed them the culled chickens. Recycling them, in effect... now he's thinking of taking the nitrate-rich alligator water runoff and raising hydroponic tomatoes, in turn.

He is a supplier to Cagle (SE US retail chicken brand) as well as selling a half-million pounds to McDonalds last year. And is on the board of the Florida Alligator Marketing council... here. He sells the alligators to seafood restaurants around the US, and the hides go to contracts with designer labels. He has done his own automation designs, conveying fallen chickens to alligator feed trays...

Otherwise, today I'm getting a runaround from various customer support lines and dealerships and car rental companies, trying to get my van serviced in Coalinga and a rental replacement up here.