Pretty is as pretty does...?

Someone recently did me a favor by inadvertently pointing out one of my buried triggers. Going back to HS... by then, other guys had largely stopped the kind of bullying or physical abuse that was prevalent in grade school and early jr. high. But the HS girls... particularly a certain type of conventionally-attractive young woman... replaced them as a bane of my existence. I was teased, tricked, led on... flirted with, then encouraged to show up to meet someone, who never appeared... while she and friends watched from nearby and laughed at their poke-the-geek fun. Sort of... cheerleader types, in HS. Dangerous, pretty, possibly vicious, often seen in packs, and they only really wanted to hang out with star athletes anyway. (wry grin)

I'm still triggered by women who are conventionally deemed attractive... my first reaction is to be wary and maintain distance, watching for potential teasing or put-downs. It is something that I need to work to overcome, since the other person can't really help it. And I have done so, at times with some work or effort, as my friends and sweeties encompass a variety of shapes and sizes. For example someone I've communicated with online but never seen in person once made a passing comment about modeling in her past... I immediately froze, and felt myself tightening and adding emotional defenses, acting differently and negatively when that person was still the online persona I'd liked previously. Was it their fault? No... just my old triggers making themselves known. One that I hadn't consciously noticed, before...