"This does not amuse me" ought to be grounds enough. Even if you choose to weight other considerations with higher priority, even if all the time. But pretty much, any internal response short of "[joyful exclamation]! [declaration of instinctual and rational certainty] - [fulfillment of purpose], [embodiment of joy]. [Impassioned urge to accept]." is grounds enough for saying no.
Especially if saying no will disappoint someone else, or leave them definably worse off, or their needs unmet.
Just a few rhetorical points to consider... Assuming that your declining the request would result in that person's needs going unmet - how many such situations are appropriate - that someone else is basing their needs on your availability, compliance, and successful fulfillment of their request? :-/
If it isn't a matter of fulfilling needs, how does this notion of "definably worse off" work? Apart from the "disappointed" emotional response (and the increased information), how has their situation changed in the time between just prior to their asking and just after your reply?
And just to the point of "if saying no will disappoint"... do you consider who will be disappointed from your saying yes? How about yourself?
I likewise tend to project this structure on others... so making a request of anyone is a very serious act for me.
Which is to my way of thinking a poor-boundaries issue. When making requests in this construct, those requests are burdening to the other party when they come with an expectation of fulfillment. That construct imposes obligation and places the recipient in a position to choose between submitting to or rejecting the obligation.
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Date: 2004-04-16 05:25 pm (UTC)"This does not amuse me" ought to be grounds enough. Even if you choose to weight other considerations with higher priority, even if all the time. But pretty much, any internal response short of "[joyful exclamation]! [declaration of instinctual and rational certainty] - [fulfillment of purpose], [embodiment of joy]. [Impassioned urge to accept]." is grounds enough for saying no.
Especially if saying no will disappoint someone else, or leave them definably worse off, or their needs unmet.
Just a few rhetorical points to consider... Assuming that your declining the request would result in that person's needs going unmet - how many such situations are appropriate - that someone else is basing their needs on your availability, compliance, and successful fulfillment of their request? :-/
If it isn't a matter of fulfilling needs, how does this notion of "definably worse off" work? Apart from the "disappointed" emotional response (and the increased information), how has their situation changed in the time between just prior to their asking and just after your reply?
And just to the point of "if saying no will disappoint"... do you consider who will be disappointed from your saying yes? How about yourself?
I likewise tend to project this structure on others... so making a request of anyone is a very serious act for me.
Which is to my way of thinking a poor-boundaries issue. When making requests in this construct, those requests are burdening to the other party when they come with an expectation of fulfillment. That construct imposes obligation and places the recipient in a position to choose between submitting to or rejecting the obligation.