Isn't that like the textbook definition of co-dependency?
From an online medical dictionary: "A relational pattern in which a person attempts to derive a sense of purpose through relationships with others."
I don't think that quite fits... honoring external obligations, promises made to others, as "derive a sense of purpose"? Then the fulfillment of any promise made between two people could be argued to be likewise, it seems to me.
do you consider the ways in which others may feel disappointed when you say yes to a request?
Not unless I already have a conflicting agreement with others, in place. Otherwise, I'm not responsible for uninvolved third-parties' reactions to a given request made to me. In the DHP example, I had no prior agreement with mertuil, no request that she had made of me herself. Therefore when agreeing to help a friend instead of attending the party, I felt I had broached no obligation to the party attendees (including mertuil, who by all accounts had a better time anyway than if I'd been there ;).
So in short, for me saying "no" to anyone is hard, but "yes" is generally easy.
Do you see how that is a self propagating cycle?
If I understand you... it is that my requests are only made under considerable need or distress, hence are loaded with significance. Others will shrink at assuming that obligation to me and tend to refuse out of hand, thereby reinforcing my convictions that everyone else is unreliable and unsupportive, as well as reinforcing that I should ask even *less* often.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-04-19 10:12 am (UTC)From an online medical dictionary: "A relational pattern in which a person attempts to derive a sense of purpose through relationships with others."
I don't think that quite fits... honoring external obligations, promises made to others, as "derive a sense of purpose"? Then the fulfillment of any promise made between two people could be argued to be likewise, it seems to me.
do you consider the ways in which others may feel disappointed when you say yes to a request?
Not unless I already have a conflicting agreement with others, in place. Otherwise, I'm not responsible for uninvolved third-parties' reactions to a given request made to me. In the DHP example, I had no prior agreement with
So in short, for me saying "no" to anyone is hard, but "yes" is generally easy.
Do you see how that is a self propagating cycle?
If I understand you... it is that my requests are only made under considerable need or distress, hence are loaded with significance. Others will shrink at assuming that obligation to me and tend to refuse out of hand, thereby reinforcing my convictions that everyone else is unreliable and unsupportive, as well as reinforcing that I should ask even *less* often.