Mixed reactions

[jay]

Today usually provokes a mixed response... I'm happy to see the expressions of pride and community and love and the free expression of these. While at the same time, at a personal level reminding me that I'm marginal, an outsider. Too mundane to be at a Pride parade, too weird to be welcomed enthusiastically in parent groups or at church... not fitting well anywhere, really.

I hope that my many participating friends have a beautiful day marching or watching, as well as those up at the Loving More conference at Harbin. For me, I'll be at home working on rewiring electrical circuits and fixtures...

Comments

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I'd be comfortable philosophically marching with any of those groups... but feel like I lack the credentials, somehow. Even as a SFSI alumnus, I haven't been active this past year.

"Excluded" means being specifically told that I'm not welcomed to some group activity or event that I'd asked for or tried to join. That happened once recently in a mild form... it hurt a bit, but it reinforces enough past personal baggage that it is easily integrated and put away. Lots of past scripts from high school (wry grin).

"Not included" for me simply is neutral -- it means that no one bothered to invite or include me. Maybe slightly negative, actually, as it might imply that I'm shelved or forgotten. But it could just as easily reflect that I hadn't asked to join the activity or event.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

And... hugs are much appreciated, thanks. Sundays haven't been good to me lately.

Sundays

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

yeah, you mentioned that in a post about weekends.

I've not had the best Sundays lately, myself. Some of that is that I'm not as fond of lay-led services or large-and-later services (being a former professional and having high standards and all, not to mention UU who likes the early services), so Sunday doesn't manage to start out properly like Sunday, and that can lead to grumpiness.

And today, as previously noted, I am at work. Earning lots and lots of OT. And hoping not to fuck up my back too much.

Re: Sundays

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

What is your work, that could harm your back, but hasn't much going on yet still needs O/T on the weekends?

being a former professional and having high standards and all

I'm also curious as to your previous experience there... were you a UU minister (or equivalent)?

Re: Sundays

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

Well, even if I'm not doing work, I *am* sitting at the computer, and staying put in one position for extended periods of time. As you may have noticed, a spent a lot of the weekend online.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I wasn't invited to march with the bi group in Pride this year, but I'm on the mailing list, they said, "We're marching," so I did. And a big poly group shared the contingent, and you don't look out of average in terms of mundanity for any of them. (You're not a mundane person, though I tend not to think less of what most people think of as "mundane." But I know you see yourself as such. It's not all about fannishness or how one dresses.)

joedecker wore a t-shirt and canvas pants. Lots of people were in what I'd call "casual street clothing." Lots of people are flamboyant, too, but hardly everyone, and probably not even half. They're just more visible.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

So street clothes would have been okay, no need to wear chaps and a thong, or in drag... hmm.

If I'd gotten a mailed announcement, myself, I'd have been more likely to just show up. But not knowing anything...

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I posted the info all over my LJ bay area filter -- but I didn't mention that the poly group was part of it.

[purplecthulhu.livejournal.com]

So your default position on anything like this is 'not included' with the 'slightly negative' connotations that that includes, and the only way to change that is to be specifically invited. Getting that invitation may well be a problem, and might lead to misunderstandings when no such invitation is needed - as in a Pride march.

Really Brian, you're old enough that you should be able to get away from the metaprogramming delivered by a bunch of ignorant jocks in high school - or whoever else induced this behaviour - and you're intelligent enough that you should realise that you're just replaying these games *in the way that the people who victimised you want you to keep replaying them*.

Stop being their victim 35 years on!

[Being blunt because I think you need it, but hugs are available as well].

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

To be specifically invited, yes, or (more recently) to ask to join someone or some group.

*some* information is necessary... I wouldn't have even known where in SF to find the parade today! Let alone where to park, or if there was an requested donation.

What other games would you suggest, as a substitute?

[purplecthulhu.livejournal.com]

Communication is a two way process - provide some information freely and you may get some back...

As to other games, try *anything* that is *your* choice, not that of the people who victimised you in your childhood.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Umm...Brian, you're a whiz at finding information ad hoc, as evidenced by what you managed just this past week at work, right? You could have maybe googled for the info? (Whether it was reliable, that might have been an issue, but I'm sure you could have found good info about Pride by looking online.)

[geekchick]

*some* information is necessary...

*ahem*

Google holds the answer you seek.