Mixed reactions

[jay]

Today usually provokes a mixed response... I'm happy to see the expressions of pride and community and love and the free expression of these. While at the same time, at a personal level reminding me that I'm marginal, an outsider. Too mundane to be at a Pride parade, too weird to be welcomed enthusiastically in parent groups or at church... not fitting well anywhere, really.

I hope that my many participating friends have a beautiful day marching or watching, as well as those up at the Loving More conference at Harbin. For me, I'll be at home working on rewiring electrical circuits and fixtures...

Comments

As for me...

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

I'm at work. My nod to the day: wearing a COLAGE t-shirt that says "queerspawn" on the front. Most likely, it will be misunderstood.

Re: As for me...

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Especially by the far right ;-). But a cute idea.

Re: As for me...

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

Because I am among the oldest of the raised-by-queers, and because I'm second generation, even the folks who know what it means assume I'm one of the parents rather than one of the kids.

Re: As for me...

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Yay COLAGE! :)

Re: As for me...

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Ok, I'll bite (but not hard...), what's the acronym?

Re: As for me...

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

http://www.colage.org/

Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere

[trinker.livejournal.com]

What makes you too mundane to be at Pride? It's not all about the drag queens and the leatherdykes...

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't know where to go, how to dress, or anyone that I could hang with. The social events (like last night's Fencesitter's Ball, for example) would leave me feeling lost. And I would feel like a pretender or poser at a parade today... I guess I could legitimately march with a poly group, if I knew someone there. Or SFSI, if they still have a group. But I don't feel like I contribute enough to the larger community to merit inclusion...

meriting inclusion

[p3aches.livejournal.com]

Brian , this sentence is how you feel"But I don't feel like I contribute enough to the larger community to merit inclusion..." This feeling may not be how the above mentioned groups feel. ask them

Re: meriting inclusion

[griffen.livejournal.com]

As a member of the above mentioned groups, I think Brian'd fit in just fine.

Re: meriting inclusion

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

How does one ask a group?

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Where to go, you'd have to figure out, if you didn't have a group beforehand. But how to dress...I'm pretty sure the dresscode at Pride is "whatever makes you happy". At the very least, you could hang out at PFLAG, as I know you qualify as queer friendly.

SFAIK, you don't have to be an activist to feel included at Pride.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

My uneducated impression (having never just shown up there on my own ;) is that it was either for activists or the more flamboyant civilians, so to speak.

Maybe I should try to talk better-connected friends into letting me tag along, next year?

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

There is a SFSI group. and a Poly group, at least one poly group that is marching with a bi group. But you can also go and not march.

I think, though, that this post points out something you'd mentioned on a different topic, about not feeling included. I'm curious about that, since I'm seeing this theme. I don't know how that operates for you, and if you see a difference between "not included" and "excluded"-- if so, what is the difference for you, and, if not, could you look for it?

((((( [because it seems like you may neeed them, and we've reached a critical depth of conversation so that there need to be hugs] )))))

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I think your feeling like a pretender or a poser, your feeling not-included, is the crux if it. This isn't about whether you are (you wouldn't have been) but about how you feel. That's different, and there's not much about that anyone but you can do. I'm glad you're on the path toward moving the locus of control inward.

[dangerpudding.livejournal.com]

You did, in fact, know people at all of the events mentioned. Just sayin'.

[princeofwands.livejournal.com]

It's all just a big street faire. sf-pride as an event has a reputation for larger than life flamboyance, and to be sure that aspect does exist, but it is hardly a representative impression of even a large percentage of the celebrants.

And if marching in the parade isn't your thing, then don't do it. *shrug*. Hell, I never even really know if I'm gonna show up to watch until the morning of. Haven't so far ever felt any sort of desire to actually spend half a day in the actual march. *shrug*.

And really, you'd have fit in easily among any group with whom I've attended pride functions if you wanted.

On the topic of looking the part and manners of dress -- I've never marched in the parade, nor ever attended "in costume" as it were. Jeans and a plain tee shirt with a button down worn open and over. Traded up when I found a lovely emerald colored tunic. I did put on karenbynight's faery wings when it was time for her to pack up her stuff and get back on the bike since they wouldn't hold up to that kind of abuse.

That's about how my sf-pride event uniform has gone for each of the... however many times I've gone in the last six years.

Shot some photos of [Unknown site tag] and sarahh riding in the parade. Wandered through the vendor booths. Took off after an hour to go find lunch. today - doing so while shopping out in the Haight.

Fence sitters isn't in function appreciably different than any other theme-less dance party club event. Shrug. Those get to be a bit more costume-y for me, but that's more a function of dance clubbing than fencesitters. Last night was a shiny polo shirt and jeans. I was not-at-all dressed up, but more so none the less than the large number of folks in tee shirts or other common casual dress. Just sayin'.

[purplecthulhu.livejournal.com]

If you feel too weird for your parent groups or church, then change church or move schools. You could even move country if necessary! Heck, you'd be boringly normal in most of Europe!

And while I've never been to a Pride march myself (I really don't like crowds that much), very straight and non-poly people I know go to them and are welcomed with open arms - gay pride marches aren't just for gays!

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I'm fine with crowds -- actually enjoy them -- but am concerned about missing the social cues, doing or saying the wrong thing for the venue.

Changing church... there's a community there, too. And the schools are involuntary, determined by the location of the plot of land where one's house sits. But you're quite correct that I often feel more comfortable, politically and culturally, in Europe than in large parts of the US... sigh.

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

Don't know what social cues there are to miss, actually. How many parades have you watched or been in, in general? This one is really not much different from any other kind of parade except maybe a military one:

You show up, find the group you want to march with, stand around and drink Gatorade and talk as if you're at a party, then once you start marching, engage in less chit-chat and more waving and smiling at the crowds as you go down the street. If you have a sign, then you have swing it up and down. That's basically what you do.

Usually once you start marching, you don't end up socialising or talking much because you have an audience, the music from other groups/floats is loud and it's hard to hear each other talk. Sometimes you might dance in the streets, or if you have an interesting costume, pose for some random person's photos. That's all that happens.

I've been in several Pride Parades, with the Sydney Mardi Gras being the most interactive with the audience. The New York, San Francisco, and San Jose Pride Parades were pretty similar in temperment with each other and you end up doing exactly what I describe above.

It's easier than going to a party, IMO, because you're there more for the people watching the parade than for the people you are marching with, if that makes sense. And there to represent the idea that "queer is okay" or "poly is okay" and not necessarily "I belong to this group", though certainly there are some people who are more activist than social. Just showing up makes a personal statement about you, and that is, "I embrace diversity".

[purplecthulhu.livejournal.com]

I guess never having been or wanting to be involved in a church that I really don't understand this one. If its a community you don't feel welcomed by, then why aspire to continued membership? From all I've read here, they don't really want you because you make them face up to questions they'd rather not ask about themselves and society in general. And if they don't want you, why should you want them? Make your own community - don't rely on something pregerated for you!

And I suspect Canada would be better for you as well...

[airshipjones.livejournal.com]

Actually, my experience in the last few years has been that the SF Queer Pride Parade has turned into the SF Beer Pride Parade, what with all the beer vendors, beer pinions and flags, and the beer company sponsorship. I have been turned off to the parade for a while now, though I do support the concept.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... sounds more like NASCAR than counter-culture...

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Queers drink beer, too. :)

I didn't even notice the beer folks this year, largely because they were neither before nor after me in the parade, and I didn't see the whole thing. But there's a lot of corporate sponsorship, corporate floats: Altoids, beer companies, Gold's Gym, etc. The festival's usually too crowded for my taste. I wander to where people I know are likely to be.

But it's not for everyone. Lots of people ignore it, or watch it on TV. You could be one of those people. That's not a bad thing.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

It's been my experience that groups related to church denominations issue wide-open and helpful invitations to Pride Day things, explicitly to straight allies as well as others.