My mother's experience was similar. Molested by a neighbor boy, she wasn't believed, and carried the shame for the rest of her life. I truly believe that it is part of the baggage that she passed to me, all unknowing, because it hadn't been resolved at all before I was born (let alone coming into my own sexuality a dozen years later). Her shame became my shame, though I had no idea what or why.
It is so crucial that we trust our children, yet so difficult at times to be able to believe them. What if they are just testing boundaries? What if they just want to get sympathy, or get out of a chore? But somehow, we must sort the truth from the stories, and do our best to support our kids when they come to us with stuff like this.
You are not a waste of oxygen. And neither is your mom, though I'm sure she's feeling particularly sad and possibly guilty about this. But you, and she, and all of us, are doing the best that we can in each moment. All we can do is play he hand that life deals us, and keep working at making the best of it that we can in each moment.
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jay
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Date: 2004-08-09 08:37 pm (UTC)My mother's experience was similar. Molested by a neighbor boy, she wasn't believed, and carried the shame for the rest of her life. I truly believe that it is part of the baggage that she passed to me, all unknowing, because it hadn't been resolved at all before I was born (let alone coming into my own sexuality a dozen years later). Her shame became my shame, though I had no idea what or why.
It is so crucial that we trust our children, yet so difficult at times to be able to believe them. What if they are just testing boundaries? What if they just want to get sympathy, or get out of a chore? But somehow, we must sort the truth from the stories, and do our best to support our kids when they come to us with stuff like this.
You are not a waste of oxygen. And neither is your mom, though I'm sure she's feeling particularly sad and possibly guilty about this. But you, and she, and all of us, are doing the best that we can in each moment. All we can do is play he hand that life deals us, and keep working at making the best of it that we can in each moment.
(hugs)