bored and frustrated

[jay]

The frigging door is 0.75" too low...I know why, in retrospect. Drawbacks to taking a kit and modifying it to fit a smaller space. Meanwhile, for the second week in a row, I'm home on weekend evenings while my friends around here are out enjoying themselves... sigh. Not as though they'd want me around, in any case... The kitchen project is a distraction, for now, so I won't have to think about other things. I can't use the drill and move the door upward at 1:30am, too much noise, so I think I'll just go to bed. Bleh.

Comments

[dancing-star.livejournal.com]

I'm home pretty bored, wondering why what is normaly most people's bussy weekends I've had little to do.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

When I called earlier in the evening... was that you? I thought I was talking to Mary Beth, at home with the kids.

[dancing-star.livejournal.com]

Nope that was me....

Weekends bite...

[suspira20.livejournal.com]

Try not to write off the friends... Usually it is just circumstances that keep you separated on weekend evenings. It is not a function of whether they desire your company at a given time, but more often the other factors that dictate your inclusion. Are you keeping the kids, are they keeping theirs, do they have out of town visitors, etc. It is counterproductive to view these situations as a deliberate exclusion. You may be beating yourself up for no reason, and I suspect the stress from preparing for Spain is taking its toll. The friends likely realize you are making preparations, and are trying not to interfere.

Re: Weekends bite...

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Stress was taking its toll on my attitude, certainly... but most of my friends out here don't have kids, so that's not an issue. And I'd be floored if anyone was actually taking my preparations into account! LOL...

[ame-chan.livejournal.com]

Hey B. So, I'm not exactly local, but I like you and I'm going to take advantage of the fact that I think that is a mutual thing to say a few things and hope you'll at least listen and not get upset.

1. I'm usually home on weekend evenings too - I think that's a huge part of marriage and parenthood. People with children don't get to go out and play the same as everyone else, not without a lot of logistical crap that is often more trouble than it's worth, or financial outlay, or negotiation with partners and dealing with the mine field that is making sure everyone is getting their fair share of time off, time together, etc. So you're not really alone there - anyone else with kids is probably dealing with similar issues. It's hard and frustrating, but very normal, imo.

2. When you say things like, "not as though they'd want me around in any case..." that's kindof irritating on several levels. If I were local? I'd feel as if I were being manipulated into calling you or emailing you to immediately reassure you, invite you out, etc. I would feel angry and resentful about that manipulation and I'd feel a lessening of respect and liking for you because of what I percieve as manipulative, non-direct and counter productive behavior. Me personally, I would NOT call or email because when I feel that someone is pushing me or manipulating me, that's my cue to do the opposite. This has several negative results, that I see. You don't get invited out, I'm angry at you, you're resentful and sad that you think I don't want you around, and it's a self-perpetuating and vicious cycle.

Now, I'm not local, we're not people who socialize at all regularly, but I think if we were in closer proximity that might not hold true - and I'm hoping that you will read this viewpoint and get that it's given in friendship and with a sincere desire to give you some feedback on what I see as a pattern in your journal, one I think might be damaging your social situation and opportunities to be closer to the people around you.

That said? Hang in there, B.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Mutual, yes :). Thanks for commenting, and I'm certainly not upset -- I think that you make valid points.

1) I think I tend to use the relative freedom of friends-without-kids as a benchmark, and then fret when I have to be stuck at home. It is not uncommon, I'd guess... maybe those with kids are just less visible.

2) I'm guilty of using my "inside voice" externally... that's how I'm feeling, or even muttering to myself. As though I need to justify my situation (sitting home Sunday night fretting while Pat and the kids were already asleep) by assigning others' motives or attitudes that would produce it.

I don't know if those assigned attitudes correspond to reality, although you may be right in that my expectations tend to force them in that direction, thus perpetuating the cycle. What it would take to break out of that cycle... I don't know. And I've probably long since burned my proverbial bridges locally, so there's no way to escape (short of moving ;).

[ame-chan.livejournal.com]

I don't usually feel less visible as a parent, but definitely less free. I think my child-free friends simply have the expectation that I'm gonna work out childcare issues and show up if I want to be there. There isn't always the understanding of exactly how logistically difficult it is. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't one of your boys sortof high needs? That would make it a lot harder, I think.

[lynne-laughs.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know just how this is....feeling like EVERYONE is out having fun and you are stuck at home.
Sorry that your door is jamming up... I got a laugh imagining the drill at 1:30...I think you should have fixed it then anyway...but I'm home weekend nights too and would think the drill was a thrill...a good story to tell the next day.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

If it were just Pat and the kids... they sleep through nearly anything. But we have an elderly neighbor adjacent to our back fence who calls the police given any small provocation... we had to go to city mediation to work out a time in the afternoon when James could practice his drums for band.