overall, pretty good
Dec. 19th, 2004 02:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jayI'm hoarse, my throat is sore, and I'm tipsy. My brother had tickets from work to an NFL game (Falcons vs. Panthers) and we went and screamed ourselves hoarse. patgreene tried to call once, but it was just too loud.
More importantly, I brought up some deep-seated issues with my parents today.
I brought up my past physical and sexual abuse issues, why I hadn't felt I could tell them at the time,and the anger that I had harbored, then and later. It was scary beforehand.
They gave me mixed messages, made it unsafe at home to bring it up when I'd been beaten or abused. Parenting is hard... I'm sure I'm making mistakes too with mine. Hindsight is easy.
Both of my parents were abused as children... my mother was the child of a likely-autistic alcoholic. She tried to make things nice... low stress, low energy so it would feel safe. Counselled me to turn the other cheek. Later beat up on herself for years afterward.
My father... his older brother died (of appendicitis) when he was three, then their father became only partially functional... likepatgreene's case, except that instead of being ignored, he became a scapegoat and attracted weekly beatings with a pear branch by his father. He couldn't strike back then, or run away... hence his urging me to strike out at my tormentors. Projection, in opposite directions, from both parents. A cock-up, really...
(In a Hendrixian sense, it is pretty clear where I found some of the things I'm working on in my relationship with Pat...)
No ill intent... it was easier to conpare notes than I'd expected. This afteernoon, I helped with household projects until time to leave for the game... made harder there after Coby lost our tickets (we subsequently got them reissued).
patgreene tried to call once, but it was just too loud. More importantly, I brought up some deep-seated issues with my parents today.
I brought up my past physical and sexual abuse issues, why I hadn't felt I could tell them at the time,and the anger that I had harbored, then and later. It was scary beforehand.
They gave me mixed messages, made it unsafe at home to bring it up when I'd been beaten or abused. Parenting is hard... I'm sure I'm making mistakes too with mine. Hindsight is easy.
Both of my parents were abused as children... my mother was the child of a likely-autistic alcoholic. She tried to make things nice... low stress, low energy so it would feel safe. Counselled me to turn the other cheek. Later beat up on herself for years afterward.
My father... his older brother died (of appendicitis) when he was three, then their father became only partially functional... like
patgreene's case, except that instead of being ignored, he became a scapegoat and attracted weekly beatings with a pear branch by his father. He couldn't strike back then, or run away... hence his urging me to strike out at my tormentors. Projection, in opposite directions, from both parents. A cock-up, really...(In a Hendrixian sense, it is pretty clear where I found some of the things I'm working on in my relationship with Pat...)
No ill intent... it was easier to conpare notes than I'd expected. This afteernoon, I helped with household projects until time to leave for the game... made harder there after Coby lost our tickets (we subsequently got them reissued).
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-12-19 03:24 pm (UTC)I am glad that you got to have the conversation, and that you are now through all of the fears of anticipating/worrying about it.
It sounds like things went better than worst case scenario, but I'm not getting a sense from you of how "well" they went or how you feel about it. In your post, I see "relieved" and some understanding of your parents' failures and where they came from. I don't know what else you might be feeling.
I'm impressed by the strength it took to go there with your parents.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 03:23 am (UTC)Just as I undoubtedly react to say, David's issues with his classmates in ways that reflect my own past pain and fear...
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 06:06 pm (UTC)sounds like its is the sort of healing that not only happens a big bit at once, but is likely to continue to heal more, and at a deeper level, as time goes on.