bad news from home...

[jay]

My mom called during a meeting today... back from the doctor, who says that my dad has less than a year left. (pounds head) I feel helpless.... like I should be trying to do *something*, I don't know what. Other than try to call and visit more, and maybe bring the kids out there in June, if he's still around. And support my mother... this will be catastrophic for her, they've been together since she was 16. :-(

Here... we planned this summer's field tests. Which seems vaguely pointless, somehow, but one must keep going. I worry that the worst will happen while I'm unreachable and/or out of the country in the Arctic or Spain this summer. Sigh. Nothing I can do about that, if it happens it happens.

We started drill testing this afternoon, here on the Lower East Side of Manhattan at a robotics company. Fine, so far, other than a minor mechanical problem. Tonight... go by Greenwich Village and get coffee for patgreene, maybe ale at McSorley's (could use one...) and then meet Elissa at 9pm for a late dinner. Tomorrow... more testing, then go to DC after lunch. Hopefully see geekchick...

Comments

oh no! (hugs)

[simplykimberly.livejournal.com]

Oh Brian, I'm so sorry about your dad!

Just ... (((((hugs)))))

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ouch. :-( My heart goes out to you... and to your mom.

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear it.

(hugs)

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

It is really tough to deal with an ailing parent, and to worry about what might happen to the one who remains. (Hugs). Been there, done that, happy to listen to you talk about it. I hope that you can take some comfort in the fact that your siblings are nearby-- no matter what happens, your mom won't be alone, and she will have people to call on. I also know that you take some comfort in your ability to connect with your father and see him while you can. Its hard, but its important. (more hugs).

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Much of her past few years has been spent on home projects, art and care-giving. The house is done... art remains, and I'm glad she has a puppy.

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

Puppies can be the Best Medicine Ever. That is, in fact, why I have Cayenne. I am pretty sure that I told you the story about getting her the day I said goodbye to my dying job-share partner, Charlie. What I may not have said was that my reason for getting a dog is for their antidepressant qualities. They provide love, affection, physical contact, and (esp. when living in an apartment) a reason that one MUST get out of bed in the morning.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

*many hugs*

[dangerpudding.livejournal.com]

Oh Jay.. *hugs*

Do what seems right. Write to him, call him, ask him to tell you stories, tell him your stories- whatever it is. There's always more to do, but doing what seems right makes that less. Y'know?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks -- I called him tonight, just to check in and catch up.

[kineticphoenix.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear this *hugs*

[griffen.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. :( I'm sorry to hear about this. *offers hugs*

[geekchick]

I'm sorry to hear this. *hug*

[sisterfish125.livejournal.com]

If there's anything I can do on this end, please feel free to let me know.

*hugs*

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks... I will probably be in Atlanta more often this year.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so sorry. "Less than a year" is a short time. But it is also a long time, for anyone who is wound up tight with caregiving, and also for anyone who finds death and grieving difficult or unfamiliar (that would be lots of people, and almost certainly your kids).

Suggestions:

Think about how to get your mother to go 'off duty' from whatever caregiving she is doing. If you visit, do stuff with her away from the hospital or wherever your dad is, as well as visiting him and helping her with dad-duties. If she will accept it at some point, you can try offering her flyer-miles for a visit to you, or asking her if she'd like you to fly anyone else in for a visit.

Also, instead of just thinking of getting all your kids there in June, what about either you or Pat taking James for a short visit very soon? James' own needs in this, and the ways in which his presence will be a blessing to both grandparents, are likely quite different from those of his younger brothers. If it works out well, you could take or send him again later and also have a better idea how to prepare your younger sons, and the whole situation will be less of a scary unknown than it would be if none of the kids were there for months while hearing about it.

Our kids and my niblings found it difficult to deal with the longevity of emotional pain they got while my dad was dying, and that was only three weeks.

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

Brian - many, many hugs and sympathies, for you and your family.

what about either you or Pat taking James for a short visit very soon?

Thanks, Hobbitbabe, for having the courage to say this first - 'cause I was thinking that too and wasn't sure if it would be right to say. Brian, I agree with Hobbitbabe that if there are doubts as to whether your father will still be around and up to receiving company in June, then it's likely a good idea if the family visits him sooner.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

This is all further complicated by the need to do the same thing for my remaining grandmother (in Kansas), who doesn't have much longer. Taking James sooner, then maybe the whole family to both places in summer, might cover both.

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

or if you find it too much/too overwhelming to take all the kids at once, I'm happy to help out however I can.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

That's a really good idea... I'll be going there in March, and could take James then. As is the offering to fly someone there for a visit.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Eeeyikes.

I'm very sorry to hear it.

Hobbitbabe's got some really good thoughts; me, I'm just gonna be keeping y'all in my thoughts/prayers/what have you.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. *sigh*

[dancing-star.livejournal.com]

Many *hugs*... Life does keep going try to keep it as normal as possible. You will go through stages of emotional tormoil, it is very normal. I remeber the call from my mother telling me the doctors said 4 to 6 months.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Somehow mundane things seem less important... but you're right IMO about keeping things going.

[runeshower.livejournal.com]

*many hugs* My prayers go with you.

[sonicsuperslide.livejournal.com]

i will keep good thoughts for your dad.

[minnaleigh.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. Your family is in my thoughts.

[purpletigron.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry :-(

[anandav.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about your dad...*hugs*
You're in my thoughts.

[gloriajn.livejournal.com]

Brian, I'm so sorry this is happening. I hadn't been on LJ for several days, so I just found out about this today. I'm thinking about you.