a realization...

[jay]

I'm wrestling with lots of impending-loss and grief issues in the background this week... seeing both my grandmother and my father here. I love them both, but seeing their slow progression from what they used to be is... hard. And not knowing if I'll be back here or in Kansas in a few months for a funeral. And seeing how hard this is on their local support (my aunts/my mother, here).

Add to that the natural stress of driving hard across the country with 3 kids... and I'm struggling for balance, emotionally, even though nothing is overtly wrong otherwise. And leaving here tomorrow to return to California will be hard, if a relief in other ways. Except back at home, I feel like I have no net, no surrounding relatives as allies... a bit of a scary prospect, dealing with these family and grief issues back there. Sigh.

Anyway, work went OK, and my project leaves for the Arctic in 19 days.

Comments

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

(((Hugs)))

I know I will see you for your b-day party, but is there another time for us to get together after we return (7/8) and before you leave?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Probably. I guess we need to talk...

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

*nod*

It is hard.

I don't know why, but my grief over my grandmother's death last September has been looming larger for me lately. And it seems like you've got a *bunch* of things going on that might be making you feel a bit more adrift/less anchored.

and to echo what Dawn said, above, I know that akienm and grynz really want to get together with you, so I'm wondering about doing all of that...maybe Saturday night? (at least, that is my suggestion if I get a date that weekend)

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Er, next Saturday is my anniversary with patgreene, so that's taken.

I guess I have to ask for some slack, over the past couple of weeks, as the combination of the past month and then this trip have hit me harder than I anticipated. :-|

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

I meant the following Saturday, the 9th (Dawn, Akien, and K- will be out of town on the 2nd, I believe).

but a very happy anniversary to you and patgreene.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm surprised that Akien and K- want to see me, actually... that came out of left field.

meow!

[vokzal.livejournal.com]

Any idea what 'JK' would be wrt to the Russian space program?

Re: meow!

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

nope...

[purpletigron.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

thanks. *hug*

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Yeah, that. My parents are going downhill slowly and my uncle could go at any time.

Sucks, eh.

{{{hugs}}} if wanted.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

(hug) appreciated, thanks. It sucks, as you know...

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome.

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that both your grandfather and father are not doing well.

I feel like I have no net, no surrounding relatives as allies

What a sad thing to feel. I know that one. The only family I have in NYC is second cousins twice removed whom I rarely see, so I depend on "chosen family."

Can you ask your wife and friends to help you through this?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

grandmother, actually, but yes. She could go at any time. My father probably has 6-18 months, depending. Every visit... is intense. Almost a kind of pre-mourning.

I don't know how to ask for help with something like this, and would be worried about burdening my friends near home with my problems.

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

Do you feel burdened when your friends talk about their own problems? I admit that I do sometimes (especially if it's about a romance that keeps going in vicious circles), but never when it's about illness in the family. I take that quite seriously.

That being said, I have gone for professional counselling several times when I was dealing with illness in the family, because even though I spoke to my friends about it, I felt like I needed a different kind of listening.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Not generally, but I apply a double standard...

Holding you in love.

[p3aches.livejournal.com]

Brian when you share your heart around whats true for you I feel loved and connected NOT like I am carrying a burden. Many hugs T

Re: Holding you in love.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

That's true for me sometimes with other people, too. I'm just afraid of droning on, or being a bore or burden. Perhaps mostly groundlessly...

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

well, maybe you could ask a sweetie who used to do grief counselling professionally.

Or any of the at-least-three sweeties who have lost a parent.

I know that I feel appreciated and valued when someone wants my help with a problem.

grief counseling

[p3aches.livejournal.com]

The center for living with dying does excellent work. one of my colleagues works there.more hugs T

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Maybe I don't give those close to me enough of a chance to feel supportive or useful. Hm.

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

You have just been awarded a Cupie Doll and a Gold Star!

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

The opportunity to feel supportive or useful is a gift. It is one of the few gifts that I find meaningful to receive. In part, one of the reasons that I treasure it is that I know it is hard to give.

*hug*

[p3aches.livejournal.com]

Feeling supportive or useful is the choice of the reciever.

[p3aches.livejournal.com]

Lots of hugs. I have lots I want to share with you when you return. And I want to hear your heart. More hugs T

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

(hug)