jay: (flowers)
jay ([personal profile] jay) wrote2005-06-27 04:11 pm

a realization...

I'm wrestling with lots of impending-loss and grief issues in the background this week... seeing both my grandmother and my father here. I love them both, but seeing their slow progression from what they used to be is... hard. And not knowing if I'll be back here or in Kansas in a few months for a funeral. And seeing how hard this is on their local support (my aunts/my mother, here).

Add to that the natural stress of driving hard across the country with 3 kids... and I'm struggling for balance, emotionally, even though nothing is overtly wrong otherwise. And leaving here tomorrow to return to California will be hard, if a relief in other ways. Except back at home, I feel like I have no net, no surrounding relatives as allies... a bit of a scary prospect, dealing with these family and grief issues back there. Sigh.

Anyway, work went OK, and my project leaves for the Arctic in 19 days.