a bit anticlimactic...

[jay]

Today wasn't unalloyed cheer and bounciness, certainly. I have lots to be thankful for... but the holiday itself felt flat for me. The first half of the day was spent cooking... patgreene was on an up-cycle then, so was bouncy herself and happy to help in the kitchen. Later, we took the kids and went over to the choirloft for a community Thanksgiving dinner with about 30-35 people, at least 15 kids. On the way, I stopped at Kaiser hospital in Hayward and visited with cyan_blue, who was floaty, had just had a pain shot and we rambled a bit. I met her mom, there just arrived again from NYC.

The group dinner... there was a surfeit of food, and the overall atmosphere was relaxed and pleasant. Except that my kids, particularly David, kept misbehaving and requiring more-than-usual amounts of parental attention. Added to this was that Pat was down-cycling and not feeling well... I ate well, alone in a corner, and then spent most of my time taking care of the kids or talking to Pat. Eventually, she took the other car and David and Kevin home. As I was then beginning to socialize more freely, an argument broke out between myself and a different sweetie there, resulting in raised voices in public and then 90 minutes of intermittent glaring and processing before we each departed for our respective homes.

Comments

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I didn't understand why you didn't join us as the table. I heard things did take a turn for the better after we headed home, though. (hmm... wonder what THAT says?? ;^))

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Some of the old "don't want to shove myself in and interrupt others" scripts, assuming that I wouldn't be wanted at the table in close quarters... plus, there was clear table space in the corner. Things actually were pretty unchanged after you left, just damper (from standing outside in front of the house, instead of in back under the patio awning... ;^).

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

Jay... do try to jettison those scripts. There was plenty of space at the table. Your staying in the corner sent the message that you didn't care to join us. You came across as aloof, not considerate, by holding yourself back like that.

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

As usual, I was so busy just trying to keep up I didn't notice your discomfort. Sorry. *warm hugs*

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

No need whatsoever to apologize, it wasn't any of your problem. You did a great job and I thank you for opening up your house and your hospitality. Thanks!
(hug)

[trinker.livejournal.com]

I've been having long talks about the difference between a culture where you're expecting others to make space for you or to accomodate yourself to the space available, and one where you're expected to make your own space. Sticky to negotiate, that. People from the former case living amongst make-your-own types wonder why everyone else being so mean, and people make-your own wonder why the others are so self-effacing.

*hug*

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

I think you've hit the nail on the head. And this seems to be related to this very interesting discussion that's been going on over in ozarque's journal, on the topic of Ozark-English and dialectical rules. Highly recommended reading.