Bitten three times...

[jay]

Initially from an unexpected work-related quarter. I helped formulate a proposal for a call due this Friday. We were going to work with NORCAT in Ontario (who has a Mars drill prototype) and with Pascal Lee (who controls the Haughton crater Mars-analog site) and test both the drill and new automation software in analog field conditions. Well and good... until NORCAT pulled out on Thursday. A colleague opened negotiations with Baker-Hughes (who is building a Mars drill prototype likewise) and the folks at Johnson Space Center that are working with them. But they were expensive... so my automation work was cut out. Then JSC refused to test at the (Ames-controlled) Haughton site, so out went Pascal as well. I may put together my own proposal if I can muster enough resources this week.

Then I talked to Nancy about my limited rapproachment with Pat, as well as my having to cancel my planned visit next weekend. I had been counting down the days to that visit for 2 months, and so had she... now it is sacrificed in the name of not-rocking-the-boat while negotiations go on. I doubt that Pat even appreciates the sacrifice. Then Nancy starts yelling and crying... frustrated after three years of holding back and trying to support Pat and my relationship. With no apparent recognition or payoff. Or even respect from Pat.

Then came another couples-counselling session, joy. With a therapist who at one point even said, "I feel bad for forcing this on you when you are obviously feeling love and affection toward one another, but you haven't resolved your conflicting long-term relationship needs." True... but Pat (in a moment of openness) said "my needs tend to be organic and reactive." So given reactivity, and an absence of proactive suggestions on Pat's part, how do we discuss these emotional issues safely? The therapist threatened to leave us if we didn't commit to focussing, in the near term, on the things which most divide us. Aargh...

Brightening my day, Julie was magnificent... both calming after Nancy's venting (and the therapist), and writing a lovely letter this evening. And an unexpected friend is now also on LJ, someone that I never expected to find here (*wave*).

Comments

[elynne.livejournal.com]

Wow... you're working on the Mars drill? Please excuse me while I go all dribbly-geeky on you. :) Now I'll be hanging on every word you write about your work. ;)

Re: relationship things - ouch. :\ There's not much I can do beyond giving quiet background support (I don't even have an advice-pouch to draw from), so I'll do that. Take care of you, as best you can.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and I hope that your cold is better :-).

Actually there are three JPL-funded early prototype drills, intended to go down 2m several times on the 2007 "smart lander" mission. Plus Johnson Space Center and an oil exploration company are working on another design. And a Canadian consortium in Ontario has another prototype. My project isn't competing with these, we're looking at how to do the automated monitoring, troubleshooting and control of whichever drill gets selected...

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, Brian, this all sounds so hard. I wonder what happened to the resolution I heard about when you were last here -- that you two were going to live together as close friends, but no longer consider each other partners?

It sounds like there's a lot of background I don't have, to understand what's in your livejournal that starts on October 1st. And of course, the same is true for me and mine. Maybe a catchup phone call is in order? I still hate the phone, but if we can keep it to half an hour it might be good. I'll do the best I can at explaining my life if you can try to the same.

-J (waving back)