First dim sum experience...

[jay]

Yesterday, patgreene and tenacious_snail and I drove to San Leandro and joined a group for dim sum, organized by serenejourrnal in honor of visiting friends elissaann and J.

This was a new experience for me... sort of like Chinese tapas, it seemed, lots of small dishes shared. But it was awkward for me. I didn't know what things were, and (given a mushroom-allergy incident the day before with some airline food) I was cautious.

And... I didn't want to infringe on what might be someone else's favorite dish, so when I something arrived that I thought looked good, I waited until after it had been passed around... at which point most of them were gone. At the same time, given that the costs were pooled and divided equally, I was reluctant to impose my food preferences on others -- what if I was the only person who liked a given dish I'd ordered? Then my fellow diners would be effectively buying it just for me, and I felt uncomfortable doing that. So I didn't order anything. I just waited and hoped that something edible would show up, and not be all gone by the time it got around to me.

So... I didn't eat much. An hour into the meal, I still hadn't gotten anything yet. Finally, tenacious_snail noticed that my napkin was still on my plate, and poked me until I finally indicated some things I'd like, which she then sent out with others' orders. (This dim sum establishment did not have pushcarts, which are apparently used elsewhere.) So these arrived, I got some of them first-off, and thence got a few bites in. However, by then everyone else was finishing up, and we all left 15 minutes later, so I left the table a bit frustrated and still hungry. And I paid a full share of the divided cost, if only for "seat rental" and to be a good sport.

So... I think I like tapas better. At least there we explicitly take turns, there's more structure and I don't have to choose between being direct and grabby, or being hungry...

Comments

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Dim sum is awkward if you don't know what is in things and don't have an advocate who can make good guesses about what you'd like. Dim sum is also awkward if you're in a party of 4 when many of the dumplings come in 3s, or another combination that doesn't divide evenly.

My dim-sum experience is mostly with the kind of restaurants where the trolleys pass by with food - I can see it being especially awkward if you can't see the food and talk with the servers before selecting it.

I wouldn't organize a dim-sum outing for a group without making sure people understood how dim sum worked, and as a host I would definitely order a second and third basket right away of anything that seemed to be getting eaten.

[p3aches.livejournal.com]

Brian a group of us is putting together a dim sum outting soon.It would be wonderful if you could join us. theres a terrific dim sum place in cupertino and one in santa clara. Lots of hugs T

[mary919.livejournal.com]

Please baby, please-- ask someone! These people are your friends, right? Yet you sit there both resentful and afraid of offending. I just don't get this. Half of the fun of these places is exploring together and asking a lot of questions and finding out how it's all done. This is uncomfortable for me to read-- I can't imagine how it was for you to sit through. Don't do this to yourself! For heaven's sake!

[compilerbitch.livejournal.com]

I am a big dim sum fan, and would be easily persuaded to show you the ropes once I've arrived in CA. There is (at least was, 2 years ago) a pretty decent place in Mountain View, one street north of Castro (I think...)

The basic idea with dim sum is that you *can't* take things that other people would rather have eaten, because everyone essentially eats until they can barely move (in my experience!), and the done thing is to order more random dishes until everyone is full. If someone misses something, you just order more of it.

I have a Chinese friend here in London who regularly meets up with myself and my other half (doseybat) in Chinatown at a restaurant called Joy King Lau. She orders for us in Cantonese, which is pretty neat to start with, and she's very good at picking out the interesting dishes. We've never quite had the guts to try some of the more hardcore stuff like chicken's feet, but there are plenty of options to suit more or less any taste.

If I was there, and if you let me have anything to do with the proceedings, you'd *not* leave hungry!

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Somehow, I could have predicted this might be an issue with you. (I really don't mean that in a negative way. Just that it pushes certain of your buttons.)

I found that going with a moderately small group, some of whom had been to that specific restaurant before so that they knew what to order (and what might have allergens in it), and making it very clear ahead of time that I was a neophyte, brought success to my meal.

Then there's more room to go, 'Sure, I'd like some' in a /moderately/ turn-based kind of way, without feeling like you're grabbing. (The first time I went, we didn't have an explicit turn-based order, but an implicit order became clear fairly soon.)

OTOH, dim sum's often kind of greasy.

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that you came, and I'm sorry that you weren't able to get enough to eat.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear that your intro to dimsum was so stressful.

It's one of my favorite things, and I'll join the chorus of people willing to have you along for a repeat try.