First dim sum experience...

[jay]

Yesterday, patgreene and tenacious_snail and I drove to San Leandro and joined a group for dim sum, organized by serenejourrnal in honor of visiting friends elissaann and J.

This was a new experience for me... sort of like Chinese tapas, it seemed, lots of small dishes shared. But it was awkward for me. I didn't know what things were, and (given a mushroom-allergy incident the day before with some airline food) I was cautious.

And... I didn't want to infringe on what might be someone else's favorite dish, so when I something arrived that I thought looked good, I waited until after it had been passed around... at which point most of them were gone. At the same time, given that the costs were pooled and divided equally, I was reluctant to impose my food preferences on others -- what if I was the only person who liked a given dish I'd ordered? Then my fellow diners would be effectively buying it just for me, and I felt uncomfortable doing that. So I didn't order anything. I just waited and hoped that something edible would show up, and not be all gone by the time it got around to me.

So... I didn't eat much. An hour into the meal, I still hadn't gotten anything yet. Finally, tenacious_snail noticed that my napkin was still on my plate, and poked me until I finally indicated some things I'd like, which she then sent out with others' orders. (This dim sum establishment did not have pushcarts, which are apparently used elsewhere.) So these arrived, I got some of them first-off, and thence got a few bites in. However, by then everyone else was finishing up, and we all left 15 minutes later, so I left the table a bit frustrated and still hungry. And I paid a full share of the divided cost, if only for "seat rental" and to be a good sport.

So... I think I like tapas better. At least there we explicitly take turns, there's more structure and I don't have to choose between being direct and grabby, or being hungry...

Comments

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Dim sum is awkward if you don't know what is in things and don't have an advocate who can make good guesses about what you'd like. Dim sum is also awkward if you're in a party of 4 when many of the dumplings come in 3s, or another combination that doesn't divide evenly.

My dim-sum experience is mostly with the kind of restaurants where the trolleys pass by with food - I can see it being especially awkward if you can't see the food and talk with the servers before selecting it.

I wouldn't organize a dim-sum outing for a group without making sure people understood how dim sum worked, and as a host I would definitely order a second and third basket right away of anything that seemed to be getting eaten.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Also, I'm not particularly fond of vegs and steamed dumplings, which seemed to be over half of the things brought. I think that there wasn't really a host, per se, given that there were about 20 people around two large tables... elissaann was the GOH with Jon, floating, and the organizer serenejournal was tucked away in a corner. So it was sort of everyone-for-themselves.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think steamed dumplings are always a big part of dim sum.

One would have to be well-equipped for assertiveness to enjoy a dim-sum experience if one didn't want steamed dumplings. Similar if one needed to avoid pork, or meat in general.

[p3aches.livejournal.com]

Brian a group of us is putting together a dim sum outting soon.It would be wonderful if you could join us. theres a terrific dim sum place in cupertino and one in santa clara. Lots of hugs T

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Maybe someday... I'll certainly try it at least once more before writing-off the concept.

[mary919.livejournal.com]

Please baby, please-- ask someone! These people are your friends, right? Yet you sit there both resentful and afraid of offending. I just don't get this. Half of the fun of these places is exploring together and asking a lot of questions and finding out how it's all done. This is uncomfortable for me to read-- I can't imagine how it was for you to sit through. Don't do this to yourself! For heaven's sake!

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

I totally agree.

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

How can I say this in the most kind way possible?

Have you ever been in a social situation where you were a little freaked out, and not only could you not ask, but you couldn't hear anything said to you?

I have. It's unpleasant. It's nobody's fault.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Agreed, it was just a random combination of circumstances... and I could barely shout to you across the way, given the distance and all of the background noise. (nods)

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Well... actually... the 3 sweeties seated on my left all had their backs to me (two round tables pushed together, and I was tucked in a "v"). And the people on my right I didn't know well, had only seen them once at tenacious_snail's housewarming. So there was no one I dared to bother, in that sense.

[compilerbitch.livejournal.com]

I am a big dim sum fan, and would be easily persuaded to show you the ropes once I've arrived in CA. There is (at least was, 2 years ago) a pretty decent place in Mountain View, one street north of Castro (I think...)

The basic idea with dim sum is that you *can't* take things that other people would rather have eaten, because everyone essentially eats until they can barely move (in my experience!), and the done thing is to order more random dishes until everyone is full. If someone misses something, you just order more of it.

I have a Chinese friend here in London who regularly meets up with myself and my other half (doseybat) in Chinatown at a restaurant called Joy King Lau. She orders for us in Cantonese, which is pretty neat to start with, and she's very good at picking out the interesting dishes. We've never quite had the guts to try some of the more hardcore stuff like chicken's feet, but there are plenty of options to suit more or less any taste.

If I was there, and if you let me have anything to do with the proceedings, you'd *not* leave hungry!

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

If there was a plentiful supply, refreshed frequently, then one could drop the scarcity model and simply take things that looked appetizing without worrying about its impact on others. But that wasn't the case... it was busy, there were no carts going around, everything had to be ordered and it took 15-20 minutes for them to bring the things ordered. And so if something proved less popular, it was set aside and then there was competition for the remaining, more popular dishes.:)

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Somehow, I could have predicted this might be an issue with you. (I really don't mean that in a negative way. Just that it pushes certain of your buttons.)

I found that going with a moderately small group, some of whom had been to that specific restaurant before so that they knew what to order (and what might have allergens in it), and making it very clear ahead of time that I was a neophyte, brought success to my meal.

Then there's more room to go, 'Sure, I'd like some' in a /moderately/ turn-based kind of way, without feeling like you're grabbing. (The first time I went, we didn't have an explicit turn-based order, but an implicit order became clear fairly soon.)

OTOH, dim sum's often kind of greasy.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Also, yes, I like the ones where carts come around better. Then, as the Hobbit says, you can see what you're ordering.

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

I like the order-off-a-menu best... 'cause then I can tell more readily which little identical buns are the vegetarian ones.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Ordering dishes with 4 servings, for a group of 20... without any idea of what things were, with only a couple of people having been to that restaurant before... that was IMO more difficult than what I hear of the more-typical dim sum experience.

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that you came, and I'm sorry that you weren't able to get enough to eat.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

The most important reason to be there was to see you and Jon -- I can get calories in lots of places. :)

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear that your intro to dimsum was so stressful.

It's one of my favorite things, and I'll join the chorus of people willing to have you along for a repeat try.