I think that collecting notches in one's belt may be a subset of casual sex, but they are not equivalents.
I could (this is an example, not my reality) collect a notch by having sex with, say, joedecker if everyone wants joe and knows of his reputation at embracing the power of "and" -- and my *sole* or *primary* motivation to have sex with joe is because of that.
If, however, I want to be his friend, get to know him better, learn some sexual techniques, and not necessarily form a long-term committed relationship with him -- then the relationship is more casual, but it's more than just putting a notch in my belt. Maybe we are friends-with-privileges, or maybe we are just getting together for this one night to engage in sexual activity with each other.
I may hook up with joe sexually for just one night, but no-one knows my intentions other than me, and probably joe. And some folks are more verbal and open about their intentions than others. Since I'm involved with folks who promote direct communication and geek flirting, I generally know upfront whether they want casual involvement, want to adopt a wait-and-see attitude, or are only looking for a Relationship with a capital "C". But to the outside observer, it may not be clear whether or not I am putting a notch in my belt with joe that night or that there's more to it.
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Notches vs. Casual Sex
Date: 2002-08-25 06:16 pm (UTC)I could (this is an example, not my reality) collect a notch by having sex with, say,
If, however, I want to be his friend, get to know him better, learn some sexual techniques, and not necessarily form a long-term committed relationship with him -- then the relationship is more casual, but it's more than just putting a notch in my belt. Maybe we are friends-with-privileges, or maybe we are just getting together for this one night to engage in sexual activity with each other.
I may hook up with joe sexually for just one night, but no-one knows my intentions other than me, and probably joe. And some folks are more verbal and open about their intentions than others. Since I'm involved with folks who promote direct communication and geek flirting, I generally know upfront whether they want casual involvement, want to adopt a wait-and-see attitude, or are only looking for a Relationship with a capital "C". But to the outside observer, it may not be clear whether or not I am putting a notch in my belt with joe that night or that there's more to it.