Notches vs. casual partners

[jay]

In earlier journal discussions, some argument has occurred around the use of the term "notch" as denoting a lack of significance as a partner. To me, "notch" equals someone pursued solely based on desire, with no intention of further contact or a relationship afterward. With slightly-predatory overtones... leaving afterward with only a fond memory (hopefully) to take forward into the future.

But, again, having never done anything like that myself, one can probably safely ignore my opinions as uninformed ;-). So here's a poll to see how other folks define the term:

[Poll #55900]

I don't intend to get on a high-horse here, I'm not criticizing those who have casual sex or notches or whatever in their own past. I claim no virtue... no one has ever made that kind of advance towards me, and no one was interested in that way early on in my 20s when I was young and attractive. Were circumstances different.... who knows what I would have done. So no judgments, either way, I want to know what you really think...

Comments

Notches vs. Casual Sex

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

I think that collecting notches in one's belt may be a subset of casual sex, but they are not equivalents.

I could (this is an example, not my reality) collect a notch by having sex with, say, joedecker if everyone wants joe and knows of his reputation at embracing the power of "and" -- and my *sole* or *primary* motivation to have sex with joe is because of that.

If, however, I want to be his friend, get to know him better, learn some sexual techniques, and not necessarily form a long-term committed relationship with him -- then the relationship is more casual, but it's more than just putting a notch in my belt. Maybe we are friends-with-privileges, or maybe we are just getting together for this one night to engage in sexual activity with each other.

I may hook up with joe sexually for just one night, but no-one knows my intentions other than me, and probably joe. And some folks are more verbal and open about their intentions than others. Since I'm involved with folks who promote direct communication and geek flirting, I generally know upfront whether they want casual involvement, want to adopt a wait-and-see attitude, or are only looking for a Relationship with a capital "C". But to the outside observer, it may not be clear whether or not I am putting a notch in my belt with joe that night or that there's more to it.

Re: Notches vs. Casual Sex

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

From a motivational standpoint... what I meant by "notch" is much closer to your first example. I don't regard sex between persons in an ongoing friendship as a notch for either, even if it is a one-time occurrence. The notch concept is much more closely tied in my head with thoughts of "collect the matched set" or "scoring"...