Restlessly edgy
Nov. 26th, 2001 12:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jayI'd pace if the house were larger. Thank goodness for household projects... I refinished a 1950s Eichler storage cabinet a couple of weeks ago, and this weekend it received back lights, a dimmer switch, and alternating sliding glass and wood doors in a checkerboard... an abstract china cabinet, sort of. It is now screwed firmly (yes...) to the wall so that Kevin can't pull it over by climbing on it. It should stay upright in a significant earthquake.
The cantilever shelf over my bed got ripped out of the wall in frustration two weeks ago... last week the wall was re-plastered, this week I re-mounted the shelf. In a 6x8 former storage room, I need all of the storage I can get...
Actually, things have improved again with Pat to the point where I spend 2-3 nights a week in her bedroom (our former joint room). Plus it's heated, unlike the garage. She and I went out on our first date Saturday night since our most recent relationship crisis began, 5 weeks ago. Dinner-movie, and "Amelie" was upbeat, cheerful while not too pollyanna-ish.
On the other hand, Friday night we argued... after I took my first baby step back outside in the past 5 weeks (going over to L's house after she finished work Friday night). Later Pat admitted that she was reacting to her own fears of abandonment and isolation, flashing back to my last overnight (10/16) with J. when she says that she cried all night long. It wasn't about L., it was that I was going out one-on-one with someone else for the first time since October. We talked about how she'd hid her feelings from me then, because she wanted my approval... and how I'd chosen to not see the telltale signs then because I thought I was just being manipulated or controlled again (and I so desperately wanted my freedom of action). We agreed that both of us had jointly blown it, and that we would have to both try better. It helps that Pat and I still love each other dearly...
Cabin fever is extant, though... thank goodness I'm headed out on business this week (to Florida and to Washington, DC). In five weeks I have gone to only one poly social event... I'm starved for *people*, for conversation and noise and energy and activity and having to have my wits about me when I open my mouth. Different viewpoints. Hugs. Eye contact. Jokes that haven't been forwarded twelve times before I saw them. That kind of thing, kvetch. After hours of "Spongebob Squarepants" (while missing the Invader Zim block, gir) and seeing the Shrek DVD three times in four days with the kids, I need to hang out with grown-ups for awhile...
The cantilever shelf over my bed got ripped out of the wall in frustration two weeks ago... last week the wall was re-plastered, this week I re-mounted the shelf. In a 6x8 former storage room, I need all of the storage I can get...
Actually, things have improved again with Pat to the point where I spend 2-3 nights a week in her bedroom (our former joint room). Plus it's heated, unlike the garage. She and I went out on our first date Saturday night since our most recent relationship crisis began, 5 weeks ago. Dinner-movie, and "Amelie" was upbeat, cheerful while not too pollyanna-ish.
On the other hand, Friday night we argued... after I took my first baby step back outside in the past 5 weeks (going over to L's house after she finished work Friday night). Later Pat admitted that she was reacting to her own fears of abandonment and isolation, flashing back to my last overnight (10/16) with J. when she says that she cried all night long. It wasn't about L., it was that I was going out one-on-one with someone else for the first time since October. We talked about how she'd hid her feelings from me then, because she wanted my approval... and how I'd chosen to not see the telltale signs then because I thought I was just being manipulated or controlled again (and I so desperately wanted my freedom of action). We agreed that both of us had jointly blown it, and that we would have to both try better. It helps that Pat and I still love each other dearly...
Cabin fever is extant, though... thank goodness I'm headed out on business this week (to Florida and to Washington, DC). In five weeks I have gone to only one poly social event... I'm starved for *people*, for conversation and noise and energy and activity and having to have my wits about me when I open my mouth. Different viewpoints. Hugs. Eye contact. Jokes that haven't been forwarded twelve times before I saw them. That kind of thing, kvetch. After hours of "Spongebob Squarepants" (while missing the Invader Zim block, gir) and seeing the Shrek DVD three times in four days with the kids, I need to hang out with grown-ups for awhile...
no subject
Date: 2001-11-26 09:03 am (UTC)Your description of your home life makes me sad. I do hope you're getting what you need, somehow. Taking it.
-J
no subject
Date: 2001-11-26 02:24 pm (UTC)Home life... is OK. Much less stressful than a month ago. I have fun with the kids, and Pat and I are sparring only occasionally. But I need more contact with other people outside of home.