jay: (Default)
jay ([personal profile] jay) wrote2008-08-18 11:34 am

Jay's relationship glossary :)

I've had several discussions lately with folks about relationship labels. For myself, I tend to view friendship and relationship as part of a continuous spectrum, with friendships simply being a kind of incomplete/damaged/otherwise-constrained relationship (if close) or else simply a non-hostile person (if not close). These are mine, for my own historical reasons, and I am not trying to persuade anyone else to use them. Only perhaps to better understand what I say, at times?

sweetie: someone with whom I have emotional closeness and affection, a loving relationship. And typically some degree of attachment, and/or ongoing communication with each other. It is regardless of whether there's been any physical play or intimacy in the relationship, of whatever sort. Someone I trust and can have fun with.

lover: is someone with whom I've been some form of physically intimate, ironically whether or not there's any ongoing emotional attachment.

partner = sweetie + lover, plus a deeper ongoing commitment or attachment.

friend: is generally someone with whom I've mutually agreed to not be hostile. Closer to me than an acquaintance, but the term doesn't carry any connotation of openness or safety or support. If someone says "let's just be friends", I hear "we'll agree to not be enemies in the future, but not necessarily anything more." Not a love-relationship, per se.

friend-with-benefits: = friend + lover, without ongoing attachment

ambigu-sweetie: from [personal profile] radven originally, for me this is vaguely friend+sweetie, but since those are along the same continuum, it refers to differing connections in different activities.

tocotox, quantum-relationship: these are placeholder names I use for relationships/friendships that don't easily fit in the above categories, or which may function as one thing in some ways and as a different one in others. Or may probabilistically jump between different energy/connection levels over time, in the latter case.

I last visited this topic about 16 months ago, in this thread.

[identity profile] dawnd.livejournal.com 2008-08-19 06:29 pm (UTC)(link)
I think it's not quite the same. See his comment here for more about Quantum Relationships.

And I do love "ambigusweetie," as a word. It is just so perfect, and necessary. :^D

[identity profile] serolynne.livejournal.com 2008-08-19 06:43 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't really not seeing the difference. To me, the 'quantum' relationship fits into my personal use of ambigusweetie.

[identity profile] dawnd.livejournal.com 2008-08-19 07:04 pm (UTC)(link)
(nod) I think maybe ambigusweetie is a broader term for me? So any given Quantum relationship is also an ambigusweetie, but not all ambigusweeties are quantum relationships. Some ambigusweeties are stable relationships that just don't fit the categories, as opposed to relationships that are inherently changeable over time.

[identity profile] serolynne.livejournal.com 2008-08-19 07:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Umm.. I don't recall saying that all ambigusweeties are quantum relationships. Just that the definition of quantum relationships is included in my ambigusweetie usage, and in [personal profile] radven's intentions with the term. The intention of the term ambigusweetie was to cover all relationships types where 'friend' and 'sweetie' or 'partner' or 'lover' don't quite fit.

[identity profile] dawnd.livejournal.com 2008-08-19 07:38 pm (UTC)(link)
I didn't say that you said all ambigusweeties are quantum relationships. I was verbally describing how I see the set of relationships using Jay's terms. When you said "not seeing the difference," I heard it as "the two are synonymous." Sounds like I "heard" that wrong. For me (and I believe for Jay) the two terms are not synonymous. The set of all quantum relationships is included in the set of all ambigusweeties, which is contained within the set of all relationships. I'm suspecting that we are actually in agreement, and that this would all be easier if I remembered how to use set notation properly.

I think one thing I'm seeing here is the success of your/his term. Now that you've "released it into the wild," it's doing a bit of changing and mutating in different environments.