Jay's relationship glossary :)

[jay]

I've had several discussions lately with folks about relationship labels. For myself, I tend to view friendship and relationship as part of a continuous spectrum, with friendships simply being a kind of incomplete/damaged/otherwise-constrained relationship (if close) or else simply a non-hostile person (if not close). These are mine, for my own historical reasons, and I am not trying to persuade anyone else to use them. Only perhaps to better understand what I say, at times?

sweetie: someone with whom I have emotional closeness and affection, a loving relationship. And typically some degree of attachment, and/or ongoing communication with each other. It is regardless of whether there's been any physical play or intimacy in the relationship, of whatever sort. Someone I trust and can have fun with.

lover: is someone with whom I've been some form of physically intimate, ironically whether or not there's any ongoing emotional attachment.

partner = sweetie + lover, plus a deeper ongoing commitment or attachment.

friend: is generally someone with whom I've mutually agreed to not be hostile. Closer to me than an acquaintance, but the term doesn't carry any connotation of openness or safety or support. If someone says "let's just be friends", I hear "we'll agree to not be enemies in the future, but not necessarily anything more." Not a love-relationship, per se.

friend-with-benefits: = friend + lover, without ongoing attachment

ambigu-sweetie: from radven originally, for me this is vaguely friend+sweetie, but since those are along the same continuum, it refers to differing connections in different activities.

tocotox, quantum-relationship: these are placeholder names I use for relationships/friendships that don't easily fit in the above categories, or which may function as one thing in some ways and as a different one in others. Or may probabilistically jump between different energy/connection levels over time, in the latter case.

I last visited this topic about 16 months ago, in this thread.

Comments

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

(hopes you won't peck at my eyes for this coinage...)

For #2, I use "meta-sweetie" if there's some affection or connection, or occasional N-somes, and OSO or "C's other partner(s)" if there isn't so much.

For #1, the alt.polyamory home page glossary link is http://www.polyamory.org/~joe/ . My own poly language was influenced strongly from lots of time spent on alt.poly around 1998-2003.

[ka-crow.livejournal.com]

No, no, coinages are interesting! I try to be more of a descriptive than prescriptive grammarian -- and you may notice my own posts are studded with "kthx" and LOLcat speak in between all the Shakespeare refs. :D

I'm coming at this from the perspective of a lifetime language nerd who wound up teaching sociology for a few semesters more or less by accident, so the entire thing really fascinates me.

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

Friended. Not just because you're a grammarian and language nerd, but because I followed your profile to your poetry.

I'm still catching my breath.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

(happy grin)

I like it when that happens. Especially given that when I've seen one of you comment, over the past few months, something reminds me of the other.