Jay's relationship glossary :)

[jay]

I've had several discussions lately with folks about relationship labels. For myself, I tend to view friendship and relationship as part of a continuous spectrum, with friendships simply being a kind of incomplete/damaged/otherwise-constrained relationship (if close) or else simply a non-hostile person (if not close). These are mine, for my own historical reasons, and I am not trying to persuade anyone else to use them. Only perhaps to better understand what I say, at times?

sweetie: someone with whom I have emotional closeness and affection, a loving relationship. And typically some degree of attachment, and/or ongoing communication with each other. It is regardless of whether there's been any physical play or intimacy in the relationship, of whatever sort. Someone I trust and can have fun with.

lover: is someone with whom I've been some form of physically intimate, ironically whether or not there's any ongoing emotional attachment.

partner = sweetie + lover, plus a deeper ongoing commitment or attachment.

friend: is generally someone with whom I've mutually agreed to not be hostile. Closer to me than an acquaintance, but the term doesn't carry any connotation of openness or safety or support. If someone says "let's just be friends", I hear "we'll agree to not be enemies in the future, but not necessarily anything more." Not a love-relationship, per se.

friend-with-benefits: = friend + lover, without ongoing attachment

ambigu-sweetie: from radven originally, for me this is vaguely friend+sweetie, but since those are along the same continuum, it refers to differing connections in different activities.

tocotox, quantum-relationship: these are placeholder names I use for relationships/friendships that don't easily fit in the above categories, or which may function as one thing in some ways and as a different one in others. Or may probabilistically jump between different energy/connection levels over time, in the latter case.

I last visited this topic about 16 months ago, in this thread.

Comments

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

This is a great conversation, and I am glad you brought it up. I'm working on my own relationship glossary.

I'm touch-focused in many ways, but I can also make very strong connections purely through books, music, conversation. Moreover, I have somewhat unusual sexual tastes and emotional history; finding someone whose desires and emotions are compatible with mine is a rare event. So my decision not to sleep with someone is in no way a rejection of them for me. Also, although I hug people, I rarely cuddle with anyone who isn't already an intimate.

Being sexually touched by strangers or those I don't trust is a huge trigger for me. But it isn't the only reason I keep my hands to myself. Incompatibility of desires or relationship styles, existing relationship commitments, lack of time, lack of emotional energy -- they all are factors.


A question for you: all the people you don't become sexually involved with -- do you feel you are rejecting them?