I'm very much with you on the not wanting hierarchies. One of my weaknesses as a teacher and as a graduate supervisor, in fact, is that I don't like being anyone's boss. I'd rather be subservient than in charge if it comes down to either one or the other, but most of all, I'd prefer to only exist in groups where everybody's equal. Not terribly possible in the real world, I realize. ;-)
I'm NOT with you on your theory of favours and obligations, but I have a partner who is, so I know what that's like to deal with. Over the years I've tried to show him that not everybody thinks the way he does about this, so (for example) if I ask him for a favour, I don't see myself as owing him anything in return, and if he asks me for a favour, I don't see him as owing me anything in return (unless I explicitly state that at the time). Things have gotten better in this respect over the years, I think.
My question for *you*, though, is ... what now? You post all this great self-analysis, and you do it quite often, but as I mentioned in your last entry along these lines, I never have a sense of whether you're going to *do* anything about the problems some of these things cause you. Some of these characteristics are quite obviously things that cause you and others around you a great deal of stress. Are you going to take steps to change them?
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Date: 2002-11-21 11:31 am (UTC)I'm NOT with you on your theory of favours and obligations, but I have a partner who is, so I know what that's like to deal with. Over the years I've tried to show him that not everybody thinks the way he does about this, so (for example) if I ask him for a favour, I don't see myself as owing him anything in return, and if he asks me for a favour, I don't see him as owing me anything in return (unless I explicitly state that at the time). Things have gotten better in this respect over the years, I think.
My question for *you*, though, is ... what now? You post all this great self-analysis, and you do it quite often, but as I mentioned in your last entry along these lines, I never have a sense of whether you're going to *do* anything about the problems some of these things cause you. Some of these characteristics are quite obviously things that cause you and others around you a great deal of stress. Are you going to take steps to change them?
-J