I'm very much with you on the not wanting hierarchies.
Hm... generally, I prefer working as peers. But I can live with hierarchies... as long as I'm not in a subservient role. I'd (strongly) rather be in charge.
if I ask him for a favour, I don't see myself as owing him anything in return, and if he asks me for a favour, I don't see him as owing me anything in return
When I'm with folks who follow that approach, I tend to use more of a don't ask-don't volunteer tack, apart from how I interact with the rest of the world. Otherwise, it would be too easy to exploit their goodwill...
Are you going to take steps to change them?
The problems seem to stem from a lack of communication, brought on by my unwillingness to cede control by asking for things or inconveniencing others. So I need to find ways to communicate my needs without giving others leverage... simply waiting for them to discover and address my needs may avoid obligating me, but rarely works smoothly.
Maybe exploring reciprocality... before an event, stating my expectations and needs, while other(s) do likewise. With the understanding that none of us are required to meet any of the others' needs, going in.
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Date: 2002-11-23 05:40 pm (UTC)Hm... generally, I prefer working as peers. But I can live with hierarchies... as long as I'm not in a subservient role. I'd (strongly) rather be in charge.
if I ask him for a favour, I don't see myself as owing him anything in return, and if he asks me for a favour, I don't see him as owing me anything in return
When I'm with folks who follow that approach, I tend to use more of a don't ask-don't volunteer tack, apart from how I interact with the rest of the world. Otherwise, it would be too easy to exploit their goodwill...
Are you going to take steps to change them?
The problems seem to stem from a lack of communication, brought on by my unwillingness to cede control by asking for things or inconveniencing others. So I need to find ways to communicate my needs without giving others leverage... simply waiting for them to discover and address my needs may avoid obligating me, but rarely works smoothly.
Maybe exploring reciprocality... before an event, stating my expectations and needs, while other(s) do likewise. With the understanding that none of us are required to meet any of the others' needs, going in.