drilling deeper
Dec. 13th, 2002 11:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jay(posted from home) I'm writing this on a Northwest flight, headed generally home from business this week in Houston. We were planning for two Mars-prototype drilling projects, arguing about automation and the degree of overlap between the two projects. One is targeting a site in the high Arctic (at Eureka, 80 deg.N on Ellesmere I.), the other an acid (Ph=2.3) river in Spain containing primitive anaerobic bacteria like those that flourished in Earth's (and Mars's??) early days. Running something like this drilling on Mars will require some kind of automation... but we were debating how much should be developed and tested for these field tests in 2004-05.
Otherwise, earlier this week I was invited to a luncheon with senior NASA management and an awards ceremony on Tuesday where a previous project of mine (Surface Movement Advisor, for airport traffic management) was honored with a few other projects that had won a Space Act award. And at the ceremony we received brass plaques with engravings of the first page of our recent US Patents. Afterwards, I left for Houston, taking a late flight into Minneapolis and continuing on to Houston early the next morning, so I got a free overnight there ;-).
Last weekend, on Sunday I was talked into attending an all-day HAI retreat in Santa Cruz. I was a bit dubious... Pat had talked unfavorably about "contrived shallow intimacy" after the HAI retreat she attended (and left) at Harbin Hot Springs two years ago. The workshop was actually better than I expected... parts were a bit contrived, IMO, but I had a realization hammered home by the last exercise, in which we were supposed to choose someone that we'd never otherwise pick for a one-on-one exercise.
Rather than pick a partner for exercises, my approach at workshops or training courses (or group dance lessons, actually) is usually to stare out the window or look away, wait until everyone else has chosen, and then be matched with another stray or a staff member. I would never think of approaching a beautiful 25-year-old woman... and I didn't, she cornered me. I never thought that superior people (beautiful, charming, bright, etc.) would feel rejected themselves when I stay away from them (my anticipating that they wouldn't want to have anything to do with me) and that they would be hurt by my absence and pre-screening. And to feel loved and accepted by someone that I otherwise would have never chosen for an exercise... I was in tears. I couldn't rationalize it away, this time. The fellow-student had nothing at stake, no future expectations, no biases, no relationship ties, absolutely no reason to want to have anything to do with me. Certain dark parts of my self-image were pinned and mercilessly pummeled...
And I left there much happier, and open. That was good.... afterward a group of us went out for dinner and spent several hours discussing the experience. We had to wait an hour for a table, then for someone to show up, then I had to send back my jambalaya because the first batch inexplicably contained mushrooms (in spicy Cajun dishes?)...
On the flight Tuesday night from San Francisco to Minneapolis, I sat in first class next to a gorgeous woman... coiffed, nails, designer clothes, late 20s reading Vogue. Normally I'd have ignored her, assuming that someone like that wouldn't have any interest in talking with a nondescript middle-aged scientist. This time I actually dared to start a conversation, which continued happily for two hours to Minneapolis. So I'm working on being more open to other people, and a bit more proactive.
This weekend, I have no plans other than shopping and spending time withpatgreene and the kids, and possibly driving into the Santa Cruz mountains on Sunday to chop down a Christmas tree. Next Tuesday I'll be off again, to Washington, DC (Tue-Thur) and to Atlanta (Thur - Sat). In DC I've gotten a government-rate room at the Tyson's Ritz-Carlton... that should be fun. Maybe I can persuade someone there to join me for tea *).
Otherwise, earlier this week I was invited to a luncheon with senior NASA management and an awards ceremony on Tuesday where a previous project of mine (Surface Movement Advisor, for airport traffic management) was honored with a few other projects that had won a Space Act award. And at the ceremony we received brass plaques with engravings of the first page of our recent US Patents. Afterwards, I left for Houston, taking a late flight into Minneapolis and continuing on to Houston early the next morning, so I got a free overnight there ;-).
Last weekend, on Sunday I was talked into attending an all-day HAI retreat in Santa Cruz. I was a bit dubious... Pat had talked unfavorably about "contrived shallow intimacy" after the HAI retreat she attended (and left) at Harbin Hot Springs two years ago. The workshop was actually better than I expected... parts were a bit contrived, IMO, but I had a realization hammered home by the last exercise, in which we were supposed to choose someone that we'd never otherwise pick for a one-on-one exercise.
Rather than pick a partner for exercises, my approach at workshops or training courses (or group dance lessons, actually) is usually to stare out the window or look away, wait until everyone else has chosen, and then be matched with another stray or a staff member. I would never think of approaching a beautiful 25-year-old woman... and I didn't, she cornered me. I never thought that superior people (beautiful, charming, bright, etc.) would feel rejected themselves when I stay away from them (my anticipating that they wouldn't want to have anything to do with me) and that they would be hurt by my absence and pre-screening. And to feel loved and accepted by someone that I otherwise would have never chosen for an exercise... I was in tears. I couldn't rationalize it away, this time. The fellow-student had nothing at stake, no future expectations, no biases, no relationship ties, absolutely no reason to want to have anything to do with me. Certain dark parts of my self-image were pinned and mercilessly pummeled...
And I left there much happier, and open. That was good.... afterward a group of us went out for dinner and spent several hours discussing the experience. We had to wait an hour for a table, then for someone to show up, then I had to send back my jambalaya because the first batch inexplicably contained mushrooms (in spicy Cajun dishes?)...
On the flight Tuesday night from San Francisco to Minneapolis, I sat in first class next to a gorgeous woman... coiffed, nails, designer clothes, late 20s reading Vogue. Normally I'd have ignored her, assuming that someone like that wouldn't have any interest in talking with a nondescript middle-aged scientist. This time I actually dared to start a conversation, which continued happily for two hours to Minneapolis. So I'm working on being more open to other people, and a bit more proactive.
This weekend, I have no plans other than shopping and spending time with
patgreene and the kids, and possibly driving into the Santa Cruz mountains on Sunday to chop down a Christmas tree. Next Tuesday I'll be off again, to Washington, DC (Tue-Thur) and to Atlanta (Thur - Sat). In DC I've gotten a government-rate room at the Tyson's Ritz-Carlton... that should be fun. Maybe I can persuade someone there to join me for tea *).
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Excellent!
Date: 2002-12-14 12:22 am (UTC)Re: Excellent!
Date: 2002-12-14 09:21 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2002-12-14 06:59 am (UTC)Oh, that's fantastic, Brian! :) I'm so glad for you.
Big hugs for you and everyone important in your life. :)
no subject
Date: 2002-12-14 09:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-14 07:01 am (UTC)I think it is good that you are challenging your shyness. I was at several social events with you and did not notice you. You have done a successful job of being invisible. I do that too. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I choose to be invisible, and therefore it is silly for me to resent people for not seeing me.
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Date: 2002-12-14 09:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-14 12:13 pm (UTC)I hear the Ritz makes some first-rate coffee too. ;)
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Date: 2002-12-14 09:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-15 02:01 pm (UTC)