Venting

[jay]

A couple of days ago, I looked at a graph, had a half-hour of angst over some implications, vented in an LJ entry, shook it off and went on to work, focussed on other things. I nearly disabled comments... instead, spent most of my energy over the past two days replying to comments and working out the aftereffects with various partners.

A meta-level comment: I periodically see something that I perceive as negatively reflecting on myself, become depressed, and then rebound. The "down" period is usually minutes-to-hours... I don't generally sit alone at home bashing myself. And I know that I'm not worthless, or completely without some virtues... whatever I may feel when I'm in one of those self-critical periods.

Posting during those periods, however, has led to unnecessary drama on several occasions (either here or on alt.poly) over the past five years. I think I should begin disabling comments when I'm venting at myself...

Comments

[kitchenwitch.livejournal.com]

Publicly viewable journals are both a public forum and a private space. While anyone can read and respond, you're still the king of the hill in your own journal. It is your space. If anyone dared suggest to me that I keep whatever ranting I do out of my journal until I have it all thought out, I'd give them a big ol' "Good day, sir!" (with much stronger language, of course).

As far as your example goes... first of all, I think that if you're stupid and/or misguided enough to say that you're "going to kill someone", you should be in therapy in addition to using a journal to get your feelings out. Second, we're not talking about strangers here - we're talking about very-close-people who SHOULD at the very least know their person-they're-close-to enough to realize that (s)he's just venting or having a bad minute/hour/day. Besides, I didn't see Brian say anything about how he hated his life and regretted every single aspect of it or anything even remotely something I, personally, would consider as hurtful or dangerous as was being interpreted. Hypersensitivity abounds, evidently. And last, but not least, regardless of where you're reading or what you're reading, you should read it with an open mind and give the writer the benefit of the doubt. I find it horrifying that someone's close friends, at the very least, would do otherwise.

In summary, your journal is a public space, but it is still YOURS. You're allowed to post what you want (and at least here, within the guidelines of the Terms of Service) and you don't have to put a disclaimer on anything if you don't want to, nor should you be expected to. Yes, you should deal with the consequences of the things you say, regardless where or how it was said, but people should recognize that everyone treats their journal differently AND that it's not always the worst case scenario when someone posts something touching a negative subject. Sometimes people need to vent, period, and it means nothing more than they need to vent, and it shouldn't be taken personally (and even if it is, maybe a better way to approach it is, "Is something wrong?" and not "I can't believe you said that!!!").

[nolly.livejournal.com]

No one is saying people can or can't say anything. No one is saying people must or must not do anything.

Most of us are suggesting that if Brian (or anyone else) would like to minimize or avoid the sort of negative consequences that post evoked, he should consider using private entries and/or explicit disclaimers.

[geekchick]

Besides, I didn't see Brian say anything about how he hated his life and regretted every single aspect of it or anything even remotely something I, personally, would consider as hurtful or dangerous as was being interpreted. Hypersensitivity abounds, evidently.

One should also keep in mind that reactions might be influenced by context and background information which may not be readily apparent to others. It may look like hypersensitivity without that context, sure, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it is.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

What she said. In spades.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

This is an interesting tradeoff between ideals (freedom of speech, one's own virtual space, stifling expression, etc.) and practical matters of informed consent (readers not expecting this kind of emotionally-laden stuff to appear in their friends-list) or unpleasant side-effects (inadvertently pushing partners' buttons).

I'm a slow, 5wpm, single-fingered hunt-and-peck typist. Both today's and Monday's longer entries each took between 30-40 minutes to write. Because of this, I won't/haven't done private entries... if it isn't worth making semi-public, it isn't worth the effort of typing it just for myself. Longhand hardcopy vents are a possibility.

But I don't want to drag the unwilling through future emotional storms... I think I'll post a notice of an opt-in [vent, friends-only] filter just as several of the people on my friends-list have used. Then anyone that chooses to opt-in have consented to seeing that kind of entry, others are blissfully unaware, and I can keep expressing my feelings in my journal in a timely fashion.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

If you haven't already composed the message for the opt-in, I'd suggest that you detail what sorts of response are okay, if that's important to you.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the suggestion :-).